Saturday, May 22, 2010

Email is A Wonderful Thing

So tonight was epic! But not it the way you usually think of the word, it wasnt very exciting, more so releasing. Tonight I wrote the infamous boy of my life (Greg if you didnt catch that) an email. Usually we just text and more often than not theyre what I call "hate texts" from me. I felt justified in sending them at the time. Who can really blame me?

Well a readers digest version of the email; Told him how I didnt understand what he'd done, and how he claimed to have loved me, that im tired of feeling like hes my responsibility and how im suppose to make sure he goes through all the pain and suffering im going through. But thats ridiculous its just another way he has a hold on me. So im ready to let go, no I didnt need to tell him that, but I also needed him to know that Im sorry. Sorry for putting him through this because I am partly responsibly and shouldve been the one to stop certain things from progressing. More so not respecting covenants hes made with the Lord. Than I tried with everything I have to help him understand how important it is for him to be at the hospital for Livvy when shes born. than continued to apologize and wish him the best of luck in life. Kind of a harsh email, but a long awaited one. Dont worry I let him know I was doing it for myself (past experince has shown that they will call you out on it, as if its a bad thing)

To me its just another step in the whole forgiving myself process, because how can I forgive myself if I cant forgive the other person. Its a lot easier to forgive them than to forgive myself. Although that doesnt mean that all my pain will be gone, it just means I can forget about him! More or less anyway in the sense that I have a physical attachment to him. Its now gone because I choose to make it disappear. What im getting at because im sure this doesnt make sense, is I feel good! Who knew watching the season finale of Grey's Anatomy would do this? It was an eventful night that has left me with a feeling of peace. Kinda like I just made another check on my check list. Next thing..........Get this baby out of me! (Blerg! 3 more months).

Thought I'd share my little bump! I'll be 25 weeks on Monday. If you cant see the pooch your crazy, well I can see it, feel it, and its starting to get in the way (2 weeks and my skirts and my true religion jeans wont fit anymore:( how sad). I've gained about 10-12 lbs so far......I just hope my face doesnt get super fat!

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