Ok so I just finished writing a post that I decided I probably shouldnt post. It was a very heartfelt hate post to say the least. Im just having a hard time with a comment my case worker made to me a while back. She said that he (hope you know who im talking about) is trying not to leave me feeling abandoned. But how can someone be more abandoned? I got pregnant (I know it takes two to tango so its my fault too), had my wedding called off (which is or should be every girls nightmare), have to live with the consequences of my actions on my body i.e. being pregnant and showing, him not willing to help in anyway, wont pay for bills my parents are paying for since I cant, and now the possibility of him not seeing his daughter ever. So not only do I feel abandoned he might abandon his daughter, which is or should be something hes more attached to than me. I just dont get how someone can be so disconnected from it....from reality. It bugs me that he got a "free pass". When do men ever really have to deal and live up to their actions that hurt other people. I realize he may be dealing with it in a different way, but if so, then SHOW IT!
So in a nut shell thats what the other post was about, just a lot harsher. Since I made this blog on where I dont vent Im going to try and stay strong to that. Its difficult, but I try to keep promises I've made to other people, so whats the point in breaking promises I make to myself?
So on saturday I went to the lake with two friends I hardly hang out with and that was fun catching up on old times. I wasnt even sure If I was going to go or not because at first it sounded like a lot of other people were going to go. Im at that stage, or well I have been since I found out I was pregnant, where I dont really want to do anything social. Im so anxious and fearful because I dont know if people know or not. It shouldnt make a difference but the fear of not knowing is scary, and to know that in a few weeks I wont be able to hide it at all is even more nerve wracking. Although I hear im pretty lucky to be 23 weeks and not really showing. So when I decided to go, and then after I had a good time I felt better. But im still anxious, a good friend of mine gets home from his mission on thrusday and for some reason that makes me nervous. I shouldnt be though, I mean who better to be friends with than a newly returned missionary who has (I assume) a strong testimony and understanding of the Atonement. Right so I should have nothing to worry about, hes just one of those friends that I feel like I've let down ya know? But in all reality if hes as good of a friend as im saying then it wont matter, and I need to keep moving forward, not be at a stand still with fear of the unknown. Blerg~ Im truly crazy arent I? haha!
So back to the lake lol, so I went and got really really really burnt! like so burnt I hardly slept saturday night because I couldnt figure out how to lay, especially since im not suppose to be laying on my back at this point. So its been rough but I have more freckles (barely) on my arm which means itll be somewhat tan, which is exciting news.....I just hope I dont peel. I tend not to, so lets hope for the best, although my skin is a little different now that im pregnant. When I shave my thighs I get really bad razor burn cuz it so sensitive. So like my legs are burnt which rarely happens so its all very interesting.
Ok so I was looking on etsy.com a wonderful sight I often look at for fun, and I was looking at newborn stuff. I know she wont be my child, but that doesnt mean I cant get her things:D so I was looking at a few things that I decided to share with you! Mostly because I know all of these are hand made so ideally I would want to make them myself, so if any of you know how to or ideas or anything let me know and that'd be great!
Aren't these the cutest show ever? I mean you would have to do zebra print you could do whatever you wanted. There's gotta be a pattern or something for these because they're just fabric.
Also the other picture is a tutu, but the picture is horrible and I already know how to make them so I decided not to put it up. Anyway so im calling on you crafty people especially my family members, Katie, Eliza, Aunt Nancy. Help me out!
Hope I did better at making this post more positive :D Im happy with how it turned out! Thanks for reading!
Cozy Fall Wedding in Cohassett, Mass.
2 days ago