Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Life As We (Don't) Know It

     Ok so I dont have anything specific to blog about. Just more about life I guess, a look into my life and whats been happening I suppose. I feel like a lot has happened since I last wrote, but nothing too huge, things I would consider exciting I suppose.

    Lets see where to start...........um........thursday a good friend got home from his mission. Super exciting, yet I was a little nervous. Same reason I've been nervous to go hang out with people is not knowing if they know or not. The unknown! (this is random, but if anyone were to ask me what my biggest fear is it would have to be the unknown, and getting hurt emotionally) But I went and saw him saturday night at him open house thingy that his parents had for him and when we walked in he came up behind me and gave me a big hug. Like not just any old hug, a hug thats really sincere and means something ya know? The night went on and people came and went so I didnt have tons of time to talk to him. So that night I think I stayed practically the whole time and helped clean up at the end just because im super close to his wonderful mom, shes one of my best friends. Anyway so as I was walking to my car and could hear ppl talking because he had walked his "girl person, use to date, shes all over him, calling dibs, freaking him out friend" to her car. I had kind of wished I hadnt walked out at that moment just cause it couldve been an awkward situation but it wasnt, I over think things all the time. So he came up to my car and we talked for a little bit. It was such a good talk too! You know those people you havent seen in a while but you can pick back up where you left off? He's like that, which is such a great quality and characteristic to have especially in a guy. He's still the same guy I knew 2 years ago, just a much happier version. And I already thought he was the happiest person I knew before he left! Anyway the big thing I remember from that night is I made the comment about making big mistakes (earlier in the house I was talking to his mom and sisters about being pregnant, so if he didnt know before he knew now) referring to the whole being pregnant thing. He very normally said "well everyone makes mistakes" Im not sure what I was looking for by saying that, or even how it came up in the conversation but the fact that he was so quick to answer and super sincere about it was just a great feeling. I knew I didnt need to worry about anything because he's a return missionary and has a better understanding of the atonement especially right now, but to hear him actually acknowledge that was just special to me. He didnt have to say it, but you could tell he had a great testimony of it by the way he answered by ridiculous statement! I mean just so sincere and forgiving I want to say, and he doesnt have anything to forgive me for ya know? But the fact that he could before I've even gone through the complete repentance process was just such a ray of hope for me. Because it showed me that I can have that! There will be someone who will "forgive me" per se after the repentance process because thats not who I will be. Heavenly Father will have forgotten, so a man with a great understanding and testimony of the atonement will also. I know ill cross that bridge when it comes too, but just a glimpse of the happiness I will have in my future left me with a huge smile on my face the whole way home! And then I fell in love with him!!! Hahahaha I wrote in my journal that night that I could marry him, but more so him as in the man he represents to me. They type of man I would want in my life forever. Not literally marry him him! Im not sure how to explain that??????I hope you catch my drift and dont run off and tell him im madly in love with him and want to marry him......thats creepy and not what I mean at all.

    Grrrrr, I write too much! but im not going to stop :D So today I went into a salon in sac. to apply for an assisting program. My friends girlfriend works there and she loves it! and its super cute, very personable, and everyone seems so happy and willing to help. Anyway the program is a year long and I still dont really know if im staying here or moving back to Utah or whats going to happen with my life. I really really really want this job and think it would be a wonderful opportunity, but if I have to sign a year contract I dont know if I'll take it or not. Mostly because I havent made up my mind. I mean I want to take it even if I dont know what im doing, but thats not fair to the employer if I dont stay a year ya know? What do you think? I really want this job, my confidence in doing hair isnt as high as I want it to actually work in a salon and be dedicated to getting my own clients. Its been such a long time since I've been in school and I only do hair on the side right now, which isnt often enough to have complete confidence in what I'm doing. Well it'll all work out! I'm trying this new taking a few steps into the dark thing and letting Heavenly Father lead me. Im so use to always having control of my life and determining where it will go next. I've come to the conclusion that im completely lost right now and cant make choices like that for myself without the Lords help. Mostly because I want to do what will lead in a positive direction and head down the path im meant to go. The path he's made for me. This will be an adventure. My dad recently told me that when I was bugging him to give Greg the ok to ask me to marry him he was praying and his answer was more or less "everything will be fine". So of course he assumed that meant everything would be fine and work out with Greg. So when everything went down it was a big shock for him to realize that Heavenly Father wasnt specifically meaning everything would be fine with Greg, but rather everything will turn out alright in the end. So this whole experience is a testimony builder for more people than just me. Which is ultimately why I've decided to take the PLUNGE of faith (this is no leap for me).

    Anyway here's my most recent favorite scripture Ether 3:14   "Behold I am he who was prepared from the foundation of the world to redeem my people. Behold, I am Jesus Christ, I am the Father and the Son. In me shall all mankind have life and that eternally, even they who shall believe on my name; and they shall become my sons and my daughters."     Its a good one no? I've also decided that the brother of Jared is my new favorite Book of Mormon story. Neat huh?
Thanks for reading!

2 comments:

  1. berlin, i love your outlook on life! it is so true, trust in the Lord and everything will be more than fine! i love you and can't wait to write you lots on my mission! :)

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  2. B, this is great. I love that the first part was almost word for word everything you told me on the phone the other day haha. But I also love the second part. It's definitely something I need to be better at--trusting in the Lord that my future will be what's best for me. I just need to trust in the Lord's plan. Thanks for being such a great example to me in so many ways. Love you very very much

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