Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Break Dancing Baby

               Can you believe it........39 weeks! Technically only 5 more days until my due, which honestly leave me a little disappointed. There have been so many other things in my parents life and others lives that seem to be putting me on the back burner with this whole actually going into labor thing. At our house we've just had so other issues that have needed to be taken care of and school for the little ones (my siblings thats what i refer to them as) just barely started so its getting into the swing and schedule of the school routine again. So here I am sitting on my butt hardly ever finding a comfortable position waiting for other things to pass so that I can actually go into labor. I mean I know that Heavenly Father knows what hes doing with when she'll arrive and everything, I think my mom would be stressed to the max if I went into labor she finished taking care of a certain issue. Besides im totally and completely biased to August and I want her to come in August (my birthday is in August), but today would be the last day, yet I know shes not coming. But I dont want to wait anymore! Yes im being utterly and completely selfish and am having a hard time with the shift being on me to other things I suppose. I think Heavenly Father is trying to teach me to be more patient, and this is not when i want to learn that lesson. wah wah poor me, I know right ;D
(Im huge! this is my "dont be seen in public belly" its awful im ginormous!)
 The past 3 weeks have been extremely odd. my sleeping habits are non existent! I cant fall asleep before 3 am EVER so of course in the morning what do I do? sleep in until 1 because I didnt get enough sleep, besides the waking up every 2 hours and at 630 having to eat something because i think i might die! its ridiculous! what am i suppose to be learning from that? nothing i suppose just that being pregnant is not fun. Maybe it wont be as bad when i have a husband i can complain to and pretend like he knows, or just get really mad at him for not knowing? and the kicking, Oh My Goodness, so ya know how at your Dr. apt they always tell you to check the baby, make sure theyre moving blah blah blah......i certainly do not have to check. She is constantly reminding me that shes their as if feeling like my ribs are bruised isnt enough. 1130 at night without fail she gets the hiccups, how in the world to you get rid of not yet born babies hiccups? its so annoying and weird. I swear shes made of 5 feet, 10 heels, 4 knees, and 6 elbows that she like to sprawl out as shes turning on her head. All I know is that Amy and Vaugh better but this child in dance lessons quick because she will not stop moving! Although I have to admit thats probably the best and worst part of the whole pregnancy thing. Its kinda neat to feel her and than to actually recognize when its her foot or elbow, yet at the same time pure torture because its uncomfortable. Sometimes I wonder why Heavenly Father choose to make pregnancy a bitter sweet experience. my emotions of course are wacked! ive been so bitter lately towards people i do not need to be bitter towards! this is certainly a test in relying on the Lord because I know that if i dont pray that i would just stay bitter and angry. i practically break down every other day.....thats a lie, i can feel myself breaking down and somehow always talk myself out of it. I really do hate crying for no reason its so stupid. As much of a hermit as I am now, I think I will be even more of a hermit afterwards?????? who knows??????I really dont want to think about any of it I just want it to come so I have to deal with it, and then get over it! PERFECTION! Has that ever happened to anyone? Youre ready to put the past behind you and move on until you realize that what youre trying to move on from is still in the future? Totally dont understand how those feelings work either. Last Wednesday when I went to the Dr. I was hoping he would tell me I was like at least 2cm dilated or some good news, but NADA! my cervix is still completely shut, but her head is already down, Ive hardly had any contractions........why why why? Meh I know why I just enjoy complaining. and although I think I know why that doesnt meant I know when she actually will be coming. After thrusday I know my families schedule "clears up" so hopefully after than. I go in again Wednesday and before he told me that if i pass my due date they wont induce me until im 41 weeks. Well if tomorrow nothing has happened still I plan on telling him to schedule when I will be induced because it'd be nice to have that happen at 41 weeks and not any later. We'll see its funny someone asked me if I was nervous for the labor and delivery thing (someone who has never been pregnant asked) and I said no, because theres no point in being nervous or scared for it besides getting myself worked up. I have to go through it one way or another so why bother being nervous? The thought kinda made me grimace. But I've come to the conclusion she asked the wrong question because there is one thing I am nervous and scared about.......its not the epidural, not the possibility of a c-section, not scared that there will be complications, but I am terrified to get induced. What the heck? so of course naturally she doesnt want to come out and ill probably be late and have to get induced. Why im so scared of that I think its the though of having a needle somewhere it should not be allowed, needle in my back no problem, but there ick! It freaks me out, so still i am praying that i dont have to be induced. I know its all going to be all sorts of painful and afterwards I am going to bawl my eyes out because of my horribly altered body (how in the world to get a "single" body back?) but Ill live, I just do not want to be induced! Meh! this whole post has been lots of complaining huh? im sorry, and im going to justify that by saying it comes with the territory! Well maybe ill post again before she comes? well i probably will i need to not get my hopes up too much. Anyway cant wait to get back to life although I have no idea what life that is. Its all an adventure right? Peter Pan should change his saying from "to die would be a great adventure" to " having your life thrown upside down and going through a pregnancy would be a great adventure" hahaha!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I Want It!

These items I really want! Why I go looking online at clothes while im pregnant is beyond me, and worst looking with no money. But nonetheless I enjoy looking and window shopping I suppose.
I especially love the shoes. Ya know the shoes that are only about 115$ minus taxes and shipping and all that jazz :( Just thought I'd share! Ill have to go on a shopping spree sometime after and I get my body back! And yes I will get my body back because I will have time to do two-a-days!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Ten Toes and 36 Weeks

        Hello all! So while at Disneyland my cousin had her toes painted. The glitter toes things thats getting more popular now and I got super jealous. Of course looking at my half painted toe nails that needed to be cut did the trick. Unfortunately I dont have glitter toes so I didn't really do anything about it until yesterday. My mom gave me back all my nail polish that I had let my sister use for her birthday party like 2 months ago. So I decided to just paint them, not expecting it to be difficult, I paint my nails all the time no problem. Started on my left foot and was like oh crap this is going to be harder than it looks. Having a tiny foot jammed into your rib while painting your nail isnt so pleasant. Boy the things we do for beauty. Painted them successfully and than found my lil sisters stash of nail polish (I just gave her about 12 of my nail polishes I never use, or the crappy stuff since I buy the O.P.I. Stuff now). Anyway she had a glitter nail polish that I opened to see how glittery it was (mine just do a thin coat of a little glitter) and hers was a lot more glittery so I used it (dont tell her). I had to do about 3 coats of it, but total succcess!
I am very pleased and yes took a picture of them to show you. Also to show off my tan line, that I can see a lot better in person than in the picture. This proves that Elizabeth Berlin is capable of getting tan! Bet ya never thought that would happen! Im proud of it as small as it may be. Look hard, but its a tan line from my wonderful flip flops, and with only 2 full days in the sun. Its the silly little small things that make me so happy.......or im just easily amused. 
       So onto more present things! I am officially 36 weeks. EEEKKK! 4 more weeks to go, its on to the count down.Yes I have a basketball under my shirt, thats totally what it tooks like huh? Im grateful I havent gained weight anywhere else. When I went to the Dr.s the other day he said her head is already down at my cervix. YAY! But im not dialated yet......blerg! Thats good though ya? Still hoping and praying to be like 2 weeks early wouldnt mind earlier though haha. The funny thing is everyone is like well ya anyone whos pregnant wants it to come earlier. Im not wanting her to come earlier because im tired of being pregnant (although every other night actually sleeping is interesting) im wanting her to come earlier so I can get on with my life. Yes I know thats being selfish, but its about time to be selfish ya? Im trying to justify it haha! I dunno just looking at the time line and possibly going back out to Utah and getting a job would be a lot more difficult mid october opposed to mid september. We'll see about the money situation though. Never got my check from Chili's and cant decide if its worth it to go through all the hassle. And my tax money or what not, I still havent done my taxes dont worry I filed for an extention I just need to do it soon. Im blabbing on yay me! So ultimately im ready for the next trial and tired of this waiting game! Bring It On!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Disneyland : Through the Eyes of a Pregnant Woman

So I have to admit I hate being referred to, or referring to myself as a woman. I have never liked that word for some reason? I would prefer lady or even girl, no im not 8 but yes science has told me I am a girl so why not use it. But for this title I thought it appropriate to use woman, im still sort of in limbo I suppose. Im only 20, well 21 in a few weeks (and yes I already wish I could go back in time, being younger you dream about your future but never imagine yourself actually getting older) and I obviously feel that there is a certain level of maturity that comes with being pregnant. Yes im choosing to go the adoption route which some may see as me not taking responsibility for my actions, whatever! and im still really young. At the same time I think im being completely responsible and dealing with my actions to the best of my knowledge and feelings. More or less what im getting at is although I dont like the word woman or women, Im growing up faster than I can count. You never really see that so I think its kind of neat that through this waiting process I am able to see the subtle changes it has on me.
Again with my tangents! Blerg, sorry!
So went to Disneyland and had an absolute blast, yes I had a blast even though I couldnt go on the big rides. Funny thing when I went in to my doc apt the other day he told me i couldve gone on splash mountain because it doesnt really have an affect because your sitting by yourself. I have no idea how scientifically or medically it made sense but I was like oh well probably wouldnt have gone on it anyway. Not a big fan of splash mountain, though not opposed to it. Anyway went on Autotopia and afterwards my cousin was like did you see the no pregnant people sign? Obviously I had not, but no one stopped me my first thought was really out of all the rides at Disneyland they decide that Autotopia is possibly dangerous? Probably shouldnt have gone on Peter Pan in that case, I mean it does and a little dip and is a bit jerky! I was perplexed.
Well I know I made my last post a picture post, but do you really expect me to go to Disneyland and not take pictures? So im posting a bunch or random pictures, possibly a video if I can figure out how to make it work. This is my disclaimer. In my last post I put up pictures of family members and might have mentioned names, im sorry if this made you uncomfortable (no one has told me it had but just in case) for lack of a better word. So im putting up more pictures and I will try not to use names, if I do put up pictures of your siblings, parents, children, spouse, or someone you think may not want there picture up and Ill take it down I have no problem with that. I wouldnt want to put anyone in danger ya know. Just let me know! 
Tarzan tree house, I remember the Swiss Family Robinson tree seemed way more fun, but maybe that because im older now and dont appreciate fake wholes in trees?

Arent both of these girls gorgeous? I think so, they both have breathtaking eyes....im jealous! 
Monsters Inc. ride. how I got them to take a picture is beyond me
Monsters Inc. ride again, the glow in the dark ones are so fun
Part of the gang waiting in line for Midway Mania the Toy Story ride at California Adventure.....BEST RIDE EVER! I beat my guy cousin the first time, BOOYAH!
Disney's version of a rave! Haha they called it the Glow Fest, actually pretty cool very bright, fun music. Although they were selling beer in the middle of the street which is something I've never seen Disney do, but I think they were trying to target the older crowd although I'd say it was more or a teen ish thing? 
High light of California Adventure, their new World of Color performance. It was absolutely incredible! Completely and utterly puts the Bellagio to shame! I like it better than Fantasmic over at Disneyland and that could possibly be because I've seen Fantasmic 5+ times. Anyway just incredible if you go, do not pass this up although dont stand near the front. Afterwards we walked up to the front and the whole area was completely soaked!
This one is sweet because it looks like the water is swirling around......in the air
This one is cool because its so clear (my camera has issues sometimes) and yes its on water
You can really see the laser in this one
You cant have a Disney show without a little/a lot of fire, we were pretty far back and could feel the heat from the blasts!
So I hope this video of the show worked, its pretty spectacular!
I tried to lighten this the best I could sorry
Sad day, its the last day and somehow we still had energy to keep going
Sometimes it amazes me how long my hair is, although I need a cut badly. Unfortunately for me I choose to leave my hair stylist in Utah hahahah!
On a few of the bigger rides I would watch the littlies because it made sense if someone had to sit out anyway why not watch them ya know? I was perfectly ok with it got some weird looks since im pregnant and look really young and than it looks like I also had another kid, it was amusing! Besides I'd be proud if my kid was this adorable! So ya I had fun playing peek-a-boo and keeping occupied while waiting.
My FAVORITE part of Disneyland! besides my favorite rides which are Peter Pan, Pirates, and Indiana Jones. I love walking down main street seeing all the people walking and smelling the wonderful smells! 
So as a pregnant person I learned California Adventure has nicer bathrooms, but at Disneyland if you want a nice one its sort of behind Autotopia next to the imaginears building inventing building thing. Worth walking to! Best place for cold water is at the Critter Country food place? Its next to Pooh Bear across from splash mountain, but you have to go to the bottom level drinking fountain. It was ridiculously cold I was impressed. In California Adventure the best bathroom is sort of over by the Bug Life Land but in the eating court next to it, its right next to the only chinese food place in the park! Funny thing about this whole being pregnant at Disneyland was the first day was the worst. Like killer! We got there at probably 1030 11ish and didnt leave until the park closed. I did have an awful sleep the night before which im sure played a part in it, but I know that at 930 I wanted to cry I was so exhausted and my feet hurt. So I said maybe we'll get a wheel chair for tomorrow or something. So the next day I wore my flip flops first instead of wearing my tennis shoes than switching to flip flops and I never changed out of my flip flops, I swear by Rainbows expensive, but so worth it I have 2 pair 1 I've had since my sophmore year of high school and one thats about 2 years old. I wear them constantly! BUY SOME! its worth the 40 bucks youll spend. After the second day we took a break day and went back on saturday which again I was fine and my feet hurt less the last day than they did at the end of the first and second day? myabe my body just needed to adapt? im not sure but I thought It was crazy. I was so glad to go back to Disneyland and make new memories since the last time I went was with mr. irresponsible (thats what I know call him I think it fits well :D) and who better to go with than my immediate family, and my extended family who love Disneyland, it was fun finding some of the hidden mickeys and all! I seriously cannot wait to go back already. I know I talk about Disneyland often but its because I have yet to have a bad experience I mean yes I have memories that hurt now because of life choices and all but all in all each time I go its a blast! Now I want to go Christmas time to Disneyland, been to DisneyWorld Christmas time, but I prefer Disneyland (everything is closer I dont have to go to 3 different parks to go on the rides I like) so I cant wait to see what it looks like! When I go ill let everyone know so you can all come with me:D This is worlds longest post and im not going to apologize because it makes me "high happy" writing it, so ill apologize if you didnt get to read it all because its too long;D Thanks for reading!