Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Break Dancing Baby

               Can you believe it........39 weeks! Technically only 5 more days until my due, which honestly leave me a little disappointed. There have been so many other things in my parents life and others lives that seem to be putting me on the back burner with this whole actually going into labor thing. At our house we've just had so other issues that have needed to be taken care of and school for the little ones (my siblings thats what i refer to them as) just barely started so its getting into the swing and schedule of the school routine again. So here I am sitting on my butt hardly ever finding a comfortable position waiting for other things to pass so that I can actually go into labor. I mean I know that Heavenly Father knows what hes doing with when she'll arrive and everything, I think my mom would be stressed to the max if I went into labor she finished taking care of a certain issue. Besides im totally and completely biased to August and I want her to come in August (my birthday is in August), but today would be the last day, yet I know shes not coming. But I dont want to wait anymore! Yes im being utterly and completely selfish and am having a hard time with the shift being on me to other things I suppose. I think Heavenly Father is trying to teach me to be more patient, and this is not when i want to learn that lesson. wah wah poor me, I know right ;D
(Im huge! this is my "dont be seen in public belly" its awful im ginormous!)
 The past 3 weeks have been extremely odd. my sleeping habits are non existent! I cant fall asleep before 3 am EVER so of course in the morning what do I do? sleep in until 1 because I didnt get enough sleep, besides the waking up every 2 hours and at 630 having to eat something because i think i might die! its ridiculous! what am i suppose to be learning from that? nothing i suppose just that being pregnant is not fun. Maybe it wont be as bad when i have a husband i can complain to and pretend like he knows, or just get really mad at him for not knowing? and the kicking, Oh My Goodness, so ya know how at your Dr. apt they always tell you to check the baby, make sure theyre moving blah blah blah......i certainly do not have to check. She is constantly reminding me that shes their as if feeling like my ribs are bruised isnt enough. 1130 at night without fail she gets the hiccups, how in the world to you get rid of not yet born babies hiccups? its so annoying and weird. I swear shes made of 5 feet, 10 heels, 4 knees, and 6 elbows that she like to sprawl out as shes turning on her head. All I know is that Amy and Vaugh better but this child in dance lessons quick because she will not stop moving! Although I have to admit thats probably the best and worst part of the whole pregnancy thing. Its kinda neat to feel her and than to actually recognize when its her foot or elbow, yet at the same time pure torture because its uncomfortable. Sometimes I wonder why Heavenly Father choose to make pregnancy a bitter sweet experience. my emotions of course are wacked! ive been so bitter lately towards people i do not need to be bitter towards! this is certainly a test in relying on the Lord because I know that if i dont pray that i would just stay bitter and angry. i practically break down every other day.....thats a lie, i can feel myself breaking down and somehow always talk myself out of it. I really do hate crying for no reason its so stupid. As much of a hermit as I am now, I think I will be even more of a hermit afterwards?????? who knows??????I really dont want to think about any of it I just want it to come so I have to deal with it, and then get over it! PERFECTION! Has that ever happened to anyone? Youre ready to put the past behind you and move on until you realize that what youre trying to move on from is still in the future? Totally dont understand how those feelings work either. Last Wednesday when I went to the Dr. I was hoping he would tell me I was like at least 2cm dilated or some good news, but NADA! my cervix is still completely shut, but her head is already down, Ive hardly had any contractions........why why why? Meh I know why I just enjoy complaining. and although I think I know why that doesnt meant I know when she actually will be coming. After thrusday I know my families schedule "clears up" so hopefully after than. I go in again Wednesday and before he told me that if i pass my due date they wont induce me until im 41 weeks. Well if tomorrow nothing has happened still I plan on telling him to schedule when I will be induced because it'd be nice to have that happen at 41 weeks and not any later. We'll see its funny someone asked me if I was nervous for the labor and delivery thing (someone who has never been pregnant asked) and I said no, because theres no point in being nervous or scared for it besides getting myself worked up. I have to go through it one way or another so why bother being nervous? The thought kinda made me grimace. But I've come to the conclusion she asked the wrong question because there is one thing I am nervous and scared about.......its not the epidural, not the possibility of a c-section, not scared that there will be complications, but I am terrified to get induced. What the heck? so of course naturally she doesnt want to come out and ill probably be late and have to get induced. Why im so scared of that I think its the though of having a needle somewhere it should not be allowed, needle in my back no problem, but there ick! It freaks me out, so still i am praying that i dont have to be induced. I know its all going to be all sorts of painful and afterwards I am going to bawl my eyes out because of my horribly altered body (how in the world to get a "single" body back?) but Ill live, I just do not want to be induced! Meh! this whole post has been lots of complaining huh? im sorry, and im going to justify that by saying it comes with the territory! Well maybe ill post again before she comes? well i probably will i need to not get my hopes up too much. Anyway cant wait to get back to life although I have no idea what life that is. Its all an adventure right? Peter Pan should change his saying from "to die would be a great adventure" to " having your life thrown upside down and going through a pregnancy would be a great adventure" hahaha!

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