Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Ten Little Indians

 Ten Little Indians
Ten Little Indians going out to dine;
One went and choked his little self and then there were nine.
Nine Little Indian Boys sat up very late;
One overslept himself and then there were eight.
Eight Little Indian Boys traveling to Devon;
One got left behind and then there were seven.
Seven Little Indian boys playing with a hive;
A bumblebee stung one and then there were five.
Five Little Indian boys going in for law;
One got in chancery and then there were four.
Four Little Indian boys going out to sea;
A red herring swallowed one and then there were three.
Three Little Indian boys walking to the zoo;
A big bear hugged one and then there were two.
Two Little Indian boys playing with a gun;
One shot the other and then there was one.
One little Indian boy left all alone;
He went and hanged himself
…and then there were none.

So Im in Utah now, just to get that out of the way! While driving to Utah (among going through 20 qts of oil, aka car problems) I listened to a book on tape.....yes on tape, luckily my car is old enough to have a tape player. I went to the library and browsed the book on tape section because its a long drive and I might as well do something other than look like a fool singing in my car for 10 hours! I found a Jodi Picoult book who I love (she wrote My Sisters Keeper, but I love Harvesting the Heart way more!), and a Nicholas Sparks book (you all should know him, he wrote The Notebook, Dear John, and The Last Song among others). So I was about to go check out because I was content with what I had found, I saw And Then There Were None. I read this book in 7th grade and it was the first book that I actually read the whole thing with out using spark notes haha! I thoroughly enjoyed it, that is the book that got be into reading. I never was much of a reader before. So when I saw it I knew I had to get it.
So I listened to the whole book (though I definitely did some crazy singing in my car also)! I love it, it is now my ALL TIME favorite book. I forgot how good it is. Even though I knew how it ultimately ended, there were still little (but very important) details I had forgotten.
The short synopsis is a group of ten people are invited to an island, no one knows each other nor does anyone really know who invited them. Then someone dies and the story just gets better from there.
There is a movie called Ten Little Indians, but does not do the book justice by any means. Mostly because the movie ends way differently and I think the ending is what makes the book so great. Oh did I mention Agatha Christie wrote it? Ill have to read some more of her murder mysteries!
I totally recommend this book, from what I remember its a decently easy read! So read it/listen to it. Funny thing is ive been planning on writing a blog about it ever since the 3rd chapter of the book, and one of my best friends just posted about one of her new favorite books. So now I feel like im copying her/we're starting a new trend haha! You all should now blog about your favorite book or one youve read recently. Im totally going to read the book she recommended it sounds intense!

Friday, October 22, 2010

I'm A Mormon

So while looking at a friends blog she mentioned mormon.org. Of course Ive been to it multiple times, but honestly I go to LDS.org way more often(go figure). So I headed on over to mormon.org to read/watch other peoples "stories". Just about their lives and who they are besides being a  mormon, but also how being a mormon is apparent in their daily lives. These are my two favorite! If you tend to me an emotional person prepare to tear up. Im not a very emotional person unless it comes to children.....ive always been more emotional about children i.e. loosing one, feeling for them, etc. Its been like that since forever. Now with the added experience of pregnancy and adoption im more emotional about things like that. What im getting at is read this alone if your embarrassed of crying where others can see you haha.



Of course this got me thinking! A lot about the apprehensions im having. Especially the first video got me thinking. Theres a part of me that is relieved that Ive been through such a difficult trial because that means possibly thats going to be the hardest trial ill ever have to go through. But then I get freaked out because I had such a difficult trial so early on that maybe it was preparing me for an even harder more trying trial that awaits me. I cant really imagine going through something harder! I mean I really dont want to (who wants trials?). So part of me feeling scared to move on with life, move, get a job, meet new people is that means life moves on, which means trials are to come. So staying at home immobilized makes more sense because its safe and practically a fail proof way to not come upon another trial (at least thats how it is in my head). I know its a ridiculous notion! And I also know that im going to move on, with the trials right around the corner. I just have to figure out how to not be anticipating the trials because that will only make life harder. Immobilize me! Im ok honestly this is just stuff that came up literally like 20 min ago and its just stuff i have to think through. Ill probably be over it tomorrow if not sooner. Ultimately the point of this blog is to share these videos with you, encourage you to go to the site. Read/watch others profiles on their lives as a mormon(if you watch them on youtube, dont read the comments itll just make you angry that people are so ignorant). Also what a great missionary opportunity! Send your coworkers, friends, store cashiers, whomever to the site. Might intrigue them to want to know more :D
I am Berlin, im 21, a college student, a birth mom, a daughter, a friend, a sister, and ready to conquer my future!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Apprehension

Hey All! So I am moving! To Utah, where else would i move? haha! I was thinking about that a while back.....I wish it made sense to move somewhere like the east coast of southern California......but that makes absolutely no sense. Someday maybe Ill move somewhere like that?
Dont get me wrong and think that im not happy about moving to Utah.....Im thrilled. Or at least it depends on the minute of the day. Ive always had some anxiety problems, everyone does mine has just been a little more "enhanced" than others. Which I live with, its hard sometimes, sometimes i even completely breakdown and dont do much of anything because it easier that way. I fake myself into not being stressed about things i need to get done. Does that make sense? Anyway, so I made the choice to move back to utah for a bagillion reasons that im not going to bore you with. So I feel confident in my choice, my im so freaked out!
Ive always been the girl who couldnt wait to move out when i was in high school. Which is why i moved when i was 17......now im 21 and scared to move out??????Boy does life not make any sense sometimes.
No matter how stressed or anxious I am about moving back to Utah its gonna happen, I dont really have much of a choice in that. Only because I know its where I should go.
Im more afraid of change than I ever thought. Everyone is afraid of change to an extent and I am realizing or well accepting that Im terrified of change and not being in control (im completely perplexed how I handled the pregnancy surprise, and all the unknown/not having control of the situation.....how did I get through that and yet this is worlds hardest time?). I really need to work on it.......I will and itll be alright. Still apprehensive about a new situation, new place, new people, new life, boys, being social. Continuing to enhance the person I already am, along with discovering the new person I still long to be. Its going to be a process, I wonder at what point I will be content with me, and my life? I hope it comes sooner than later. 

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Commercials (2)

I only posted a few of the commercials I wanted to share, so im posting the rest of them today. I had to limit them to only 6 because there are tons of other ones. These are just my absolute favorite. There is another wheat thins ive seen which is pretty classic, but youll have to go look it up yourself, or hop on over to their website. And the all state mayhem ones are all pretty dang hilarious! Theres like a whole series of those ones.







Oh man I cannot help but smile on this last one.....HILARIOUS! Boys.....GET A LIFE! i totally believe that this is something that would happen. What makes the commercial so great is that its a guy doing it hahaha (who is Liz Lemons ex boy friend that likes to randomly pop up on 30 rock, i forgot his name though)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Commercials

 Just wanted to say thanks to my Aunt Nancy for leaving those comments on the previous post. They definitely gave me lots to think about, which has been good. Ultimately im thinking about something that i shouldnt even bother thinking about. Need more ME time! So again thank you I really appreciated them.

So I've been dying to share some of these commercials for a while but have yet to do it. Not sure why.....procrastination? As if im not already on the computer during the day. Anyway i dunno I find them hilarious, hopefully you will too or ill feel like a total dork! (Ive been using that word a lot....Dork......because i really do feel like one, hopefully its just a phase).







Sunday, October 10, 2010

On My Mind.......Blerg!

Im totally having issues I think. Whats on my mind? motorcycles, trucks, soda, zumiez, amazing jeans, dvds, small house, guns, teaching...........Greg! Why am I aching for his friendship? This is not what I really want its making everything all sorts of confusing. I must be doing it to myself? How in the world would a friendship even work with how crappy I treated him? Is a friendship what im really wanting or something more? Maybe just the option for something more? see where things go? But I already saw where things went! See I wont say anything, what if he has a gf or is actually engaged like in my dream (i wonder what he did with my ring?)? That would almost hurt even more if I found out he was able to really really move on and I havent! I shouldnt entertain the thought of asking something so stupid! Greg........this is ridiculous......im in need of guidance! WHY, WHY, WHY? HELP!(this needs to get resolved quick)

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Read the Printed Word

Hey Friends! Did a little update on my blog, now you can check out the blogs I look at most, as well as my good friends blogs that I truly love reading. I however need to become better at posting comments if I expect them in return haha.
Anyway what this post is really about is "Read the Printed Word" just a great idea that esb and cevd put together. I have posted in on my page because I am and will take the pledge to read the printed word, i.e. books, newspaper, magazines. In todays world too many people depend on the internet and other electronics for their reading. So in todays world I want to continue reading from paper. I strongly encourage you all to take this pledge too. Books are so unique, the smells each new book comes with, the smoothness of the binding, the occasional art work, just pages and pages of wonderfulness. I wish I was more of an eloquent writer (isnt that why there are writers? who publish books? because they can write better than I do right ;D) and could express my thoughts better and I would let you know how dedicated I feel to this pledge. Click the link and get your button and take the pledge!

Friday, October 8, 2010

One Simple Text

This text message is one I recently sent out......
"Ah that makes me happy! That's fine I mean like I said we might be watching iron man 2 and I kinda want to hang out with my family so just let me know:D"
I know its nothing huge and doesnt really mean anything to you reading, but 2 years ago this is a text i wouldve died if i sent it. "I kinda want to hang out with my family" my friends would have thought I was kidding. But now Im proud to say and admit that I would like to hang out with my family opposed to hanging out with friends. This is possibly because I might not be here for very much longer and want to eat up all the time with them I can, or its just who I am now. Either way Im happy I want to spend time with my family. Maybe it comes with age? I dont know but what i do know is that I love and appreciate my family for everything they have done for me. No one can ever replace them as annoying as i may think they can get, at the end of the day I am a Busby, just like them, and will love them always. Im so glad I get to spend the rest of my life with them. Kind of cant imagine adding someone else into the mix!
Busby family summer 2009

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Makes The World Go Round

Its crazy how one single picture makes the day a better day. Makes doing the right thing that much more meaningful. Changes my thoughts and actions.
Even with all these feelings of confusion and not knowing where to go, a picture can freeze life in that moment, when everything is carefree and peaceful. Im grateful for that place I can escape to when looking at pictures.
(Enjoy these pictures and my thoughts on Olivia while you can, I think I am going to retire writing about her publicly either at the end of the year or sooner, I do however know that all post about her will be disappearing from this blog at the end of the year so if you've missed any, do your reading now :D )

Monday, October 4, 2010

There's a Slight Chance I May Be Crazy

   K so dreams.........ever since Olivia was born I've been having more and more dreams, which is fine because frankly I enjoy them. Most of them anyway, except for the one last night.....The only person I really want to talk and discuss it with happens to be on a mission right now, so I will wait for her letter back I suppose haha. However Im sharing it on her because I have this weird theory kinda that if I write it out (anything for that matter) then it will be left on the paper. I think thats why I journal and write so often because a lot of the time it helps. I can just leave it behind and not think about it....So this is my attempt at that.

I have woken up from dreams kinda distraught or thinking they are real. Which always throws me off, so this morning was the same. Except very different, I've been awake for who knows how long now and I cannot shake the feelings I got from it.

So this is what happened in the dream more or less (hopefully i can give you the readers digest version). In the dream Greg was there (go figure this is what made everything complicated) and he was engaged......to someone else. (i wonder if he is in real life??i mean it has been almost a yr????hmmmm but i dont really want to know......i think). To this small blonde girl.....needless to say in the dream i did not like her. Gregs mom was also there, and Livvy(didnt look like her but thats who it was in the dream). For some reason in the dream Greg had her, like had custody of her or something. Except it was almost as if I had given her up for adoption to him. Weird! Which therefore meant this stupid little blond girl was also going to raise her. Gregs mom didnt really play a part in it she just held the baby a few times. So in the dream Greg talked to me a lot and I dunno i cant remember the exact conversations we had in the dream, but more or less he still loved me and wanted to be with me, but was engaged and was still going to marry this other girl. So for a lot of the dream it was me trying to find him, getting around the stupid blonde girl, to convince him that he was meant to be with me. So that we could raise the baby? I think? throughout the dream people kept handing off the baby to me to take care of. which was fine because it was my baby, but then the blond girl would come in and take her from me which obviously was hard. To make this dream worse I woke up once and tried to really wake myself up so i could shake off the weird feelings i was having, just to fall asleep again and have the dream continue. "At the end" of the dream it was clear greg was not going to leave this blonde girl and was keeping the baby. Which is where i woke up.

Odd dream ya? and even still i feel all sorts of weird about it as if it really happened.....still 8+ hours since i woke up. I do not understand and im usually not into looking up what my dreams mean and stuff but i had to today this was the only thing I came up with
Ex "lover"-Since dreams speak symbolic language, it is important to think past the actual person who is appearing in the dream. Try to think about what the person symbolized as opposed to the relationship you had with him. For example, if your ex was a doctor, he may be standing in as a symbol of healing - even if the relationship itself was anything but! http://www.bellaonline.org/articles/art39117.asp
If we’re going through a stressful time in our lives and seem to have more on our proverbial plate than we ever asked for – our mind will take us to a “simpler time” – if an ex happens to be there, it isn’t necessarily a compliment to them. http://www.dreamprophesy.com/dreaming-about-ex-boyfriendsgirlfriends-husbands-or-wives/
Feeling of abandonment - The primary interpretive question is: `Who abandoned the dreamer, and why?' Being individually abandoned by a significant other can represent a feeling of insecurity in a relationship. This may reflect concerns about the feelings of another towards you. Are you genuinely receptive to the idea of being loved and valued, or do you view another?s affection as show? Abandoned: iVillage http://www.ivillage.co.uk/astrology/dreams/emotions/articles/0,,602746_603970,00.html#ixzz11R8NNIBe
Feeling Vulnerable - Because your person (either physical or spiritual) is at risk in dreams of vulnerability, the exchanges and conclusion of this dream indicate much about your life and how you see it. You may be wanting someone to come along and make things right, or experiencing a self- destructive pattern that needs resolution. This dream can often open your waking mind to ways out of the position that has you in a subservient or defensive posture. Vulnerability: iVillage http://www.ivillage.co.uk/astrology/dreams/emotions/articles/0,,602746_616120,00.html#ixzz11R8oAUqf
So thats what I came up with and it makes sense given the circumstances. But the main thing that is bothering me is that Love feeling. Someone made a comment to me a while back that no one that loved me would put me in the situation where I would get pregnant and vice versa. To an extent I agree with that, however, I was engaged......I was in love with him before anything happened. So maybe more a matter of respect and all, I dunno. What I do know is that I think there will always be a part of me that loves Greg. I mean theres a part of me that still "loves" my first boyfriend in HS and the first BF out at college. I mean maybe its not love with them but there is def. still a small little notch for them in my heart. So i just feel like Gregs notch is quite a bit bigger than the others. While trying to wake up and shake things off I had so many thoughts go through my head like I wonder what he's up to, I wonder if we could ever date again, I wonder if we could be friends again because I know we had a great friendship. I just didnt continue with that friendship because at the time I was so hurt, so devastated, and life was just too painful to get through with him around. So thinking about that it makes sense that I cut off communication. Even now it makes sense that I dont have communication. But why is this dream causing such a big problem in my mind? Im sure there is someone else better out there for me, and I keep having to remind myself of the little problems we had. I cant decide if its the "being in love" aspect of it im actually missing or him im missing? Oh goodness this was not suppose to ever be a problem again. I better not be stupid and email him or something because yes the thought did cross my mind, but what would i say? how would he react? what if he has a gf or is actually engaged again? could i feel good about that? I dont know, so maybe blogging about it is also keeping me from doing something stupid. BERLIN YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE! sheesh! Im hoping these thoughts and feelings will be gone tomorrow......I hope, oh goodness I sure hope so. I have to admit feeling like you miss someone who caused you pain is actually a little bit painful itself. I think thats because I may not have treated him nicely or fairly and now im feeling worse about it? Maybe I can write an email apologizing?.......oh goodness wouldnt that be a stupid idea! Have I really not gotten over him? I thought I had, he claimed he wasnt in love with me anymore after like 2 wks its 10 almost 11months later and theres a possibility im not over him? I feel like a little child......very very vulnerable right now......which means stay away from boys at all costs, which also mean NO EMAILS! sorry im saying that so much to remind myself its not a good idea. Well sorry if you read all of this and realized im going crazy and wish you hadnt read it hahahaha. But thanks if you did :D

Friday, October 1, 2010

Bucket List (ish)

  1. Go on a study abroad
  2. Go to the Hollywood Cemetetry and see movie
  3. Go to the San Fransisco flower market
  4. Take a row boat out in Central Park (NYC)
  5. Swing on a Trapeez 
  6. Bungee jump?????(still debating)
  7. "Swim" with sting ray again 
  8. Stay in a hotel in Time Square with a view
  9. Take a road trip cross country (preferably with husband, or close friends)
  10. See Mt. Rushmore
  11. Kiss barefoot in the rain (not sprinkling, like full on raining)
  12. Visit the "Love" park in Philly
  13. Travel around Europe a separate time from study abroad  
Im sure I will add to it later on in life