Thursday, October 21, 2010

Apprehension

Hey All! So I am moving! To Utah, where else would i move? haha! I was thinking about that a while back.....I wish it made sense to move somewhere like the east coast of southern California......but that makes absolutely no sense. Someday maybe Ill move somewhere like that?
Dont get me wrong and think that im not happy about moving to Utah.....Im thrilled. Or at least it depends on the minute of the day. Ive always had some anxiety problems, everyone does mine has just been a little more "enhanced" than others. Which I live with, its hard sometimes, sometimes i even completely breakdown and dont do much of anything because it easier that way. I fake myself into not being stressed about things i need to get done. Does that make sense? Anyway, so I made the choice to move back to utah for a bagillion reasons that im not going to bore you with. So I feel confident in my choice, my im so freaked out!
Ive always been the girl who couldnt wait to move out when i was in high school. Which is why i moved when i was 17......now im 21 and scared to move out??????Boy does life not make any sense sometimes.
No matter how stressed or anxious I am about moving back to Utah its gonna happen, I dont really have much of a choice in that. Only because I know its where I should go.
Im more afraid of change than I ever thought. Everyone is afraid of change to an extent and I am realizing or well accepting that Im terrified of change and not being in control (im completely perplexed how I handled the pregnancy surprise, and all the unknown/not having control of the situation.....how did I get through that and yet this is worlds hardest time?). I really need to work on it.......I will and itll be alright. Still apprehensive about a new situation, new place, new people, new life, boys, being social. Continuing to enhance the person I already am, along with discovering the new person I still long to be. Its going to be a process, I wonder at what point I will be content with me, and my life? I hope it comes sooner than later. 

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