Wednesday, June 22, 2011

" Boys are like busses, you wait for one for ages, then suddenly 3 come at the same time"

So this may come as a shock to some of you, but I keep falling more and more for the weather man. I know its weird huh? But we're still talking and I am really enjoying it. Z has been stupid and hardly ever talks to me which sometimes hurts and kills to no end. Mostly I dont understand why he cant grow a pair and tell me whats really on his mind. Its weird the whole process I've gone through with him.....I can say I wish I didnt start talking to him again and mean it when I say it. If I had known he would play stupid games Im pretty sure I wouldnt have pursued him so hard. Fact of the matter is, I still think there is another girl for him and he keeps leading on as if there isnt with me which is ridiculous. Im not sure why he thinks I want to be lead on ya know? And there are still things that bother me about him, theres never anything I can do to put him in a better mood, he doesnt open up very easily I have to dig and sometimes I dont want to dig, and there are others things Im not going to share because well because I dont feel like sharing it with the universe. Im debating texting him....yet again.....mostly because I cant decide if I need to talk to him to get closure (do I really want to feel the rejection of being left for another girl) and to see if I can get his real feelings out? But then again this could cause more damage and he could lead me on another stupid little game having me think he's more interested than he actually is. Ultimatley the weather man is more the type of person I would like to end up with I just wish he didnt live in another state. Not to mention he's fighting that fire in arizona right now and i wait in anticipation for his text every morning (he works the night shift) to know that he's safe. Not to mention had a dream I was pregnant with Z's kid and wanted it so badly to be the Weather Mans kid....I know it was just my dream, but as you know if youve been keeping up on the blog my dreams influence me a ton (which is how I got into the mess of talking to Z again). Well Im excited to see the weather man hopefully it will be soon, he's suppose to pass through town after he's done in arizona and im STOKED!!!!! there are 2 other guys.......creeper/2x4 and shorty. 2x4 is my creeper who had an "end the relationship" with me he still hangs around he's nice but Ive dated a guy exactly like him but worse he's 27 and stuck in his ways and I cant allow myself to date someone that would bring me down to nothing again and shorty is super nice, funny, has a lot of good qualities I would look for but.....he's short and I know thats me being ridiculous, but when your dad is 6'4" is 16 yr old brother will probably be taller than him and the weather man is 6'5" you realize you were spoiled and cant go back to short.....maybe I could but I care too much about the weather man at this point. Im anxiously awaiting his call today :)
Sorry for all the boy drama but I had to get it off my chest

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Shopping Spreeeeeeee!


Victoria's Secret has their semi-annual sale right now and its great, although I hate bra shopping and I did not find one this time. But I did get these :) 
The Red Bottle: Love Rocks 
Original Price: $22.00 
Price Paid: $5.50 
The White & Pink Lotion: Noir Love Me
Original Price: $20.00
Price Paid: 5.00 
Total Victoria's Secret Purchase- $11.20 
Almost all of Victoria's Secret Body Shop things were 75% off 

Now if you thought those were great deals just wait until you see what I purchased at Gap
Patterned Polyester Shirt by Gap size Medium
Original Price: $59.95
1st marked down price: $37.99
2nd marked down price: $27.99
Price Paid: $13.99
Black Cardigan size Small
Original Price: $64.95
1st marked down price: $34.99
2nd marked down price: $24.99
Price Paid: $12.49
Beige Cotton Summer Dress size 8
Original Price: $69.95
1st marked down price: $29.99
Price Paid: $14.99

Black Tank size Small 
Original Price: $59.95
1st marked down price: $29.99
2nd marked down price: $13.99
3rd marked down price: $10.97
Price Paid: $5.48
Total Gap purchase: $50.11
(Gap is having a sale that's 50% off the lowest ticketed price, so its like double if not triple savings there was a tank top I wanted that would've been $5, another cardigan and shirt for $10 if I feel like I have enough money I may go back, or even check out the other mall)
So yes, I do feel like I spent too much money however when I realize that I would've spent at least $44.00 at Victoria's Secret and a HUGE $255.00 at Gap is absolutely incredible! If I felt like doing math I would figure out what % I saved but I'm too lazy and can already see its a little more than 75% (i could be totally wrong) total INSANE SAVINGS!!!!! 

Monday, June 13, 2011

"I don't know if I can pull it off"

Hey all, so remember this post I posted a while back? Well I have accomplished 3 out of the 4 things ;) Something I've decided which I've know for a long time, but im rediscovering it lol. That styles/trends/fashion.....people always say "I dont know if i could pull it off?" which includes me i have said it countless times. But its all about your confidence level, whether or not you have enough "guts" or confidence to pull these things off. Who cares what other people think about you (yes i know its easier said then done), do what you want what makes you happy! Althoug I do understand when people may say this because they like it, but would not feel comfortable wearing something like that, whatever that is. Anyway Im proud to say that I have wore both the hat & glasses, and obviously have the feathers in my hair. I like that the feathers arent like every other persons feathers, theyre quail feathers instead, so not long, but I have 3 attatched to a strand of hair. It'll be the new thing ya? Oh and I decided I dont show pictures of myself very often......so today Im going to.....but dont expect it super often.


Ha Ha I think I'm kind of funny! 
                                       
Oh and look at what I picked up today off of craigslist for $45 Oooooooooohhhhhhhh I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!

Friday, June 10, 2011

Zzzzzzzzzz's on my mind!

Hey all so I'm on vacation here in southern california and its fun.......however, most of my thoughts consist of 1) work 2) my future and 3) Z always Z huh?

I wanted/needed to go on a vacation to get my head cleared and de-stress.........but i feel that this vacation has done everything but that! I love my mom with all my heart I do, I couldnt have asked for a different mother, what I could ask for is one with a better sense of direction, and the same common sense as myself. Im finding myself more stressed out when driving in the car with her especially with a GPS then I find myself at work. So much for a vacation away from stress! Ultimately im not sure what I need to destress, probably a life other then work. All I ever do after work is sit around watch TV or.....sit around? Im not really sure I just know that I do nothing and it drives me INSANE, but I think thats how I unwind, yet im still constantly feeling stressed and feel like theres something weighing down on me. <maybe I need to start going to church more regularly> Anyway Ill try to enjoy the next 4 days I have off.....

My future.......I always think about my future, I think I've come to the conclusion that thats always going to be there. Although what will happen once i get to that future ive always dreamnt about?Do I start dreaming about becoming old and wrinkly??? EW no thanks!!!!! I need to learn how to live in the now, do what I want to do for me, when I want, on my terms. Its worth a shot!

and the notorious Z......I need to stop blog stalking you, damage why did you even tell me you have a blog? Your really good at writing I admire you for that, but if you could be more um direct or specific with your posts that would be awesome :) Also its been a while since I've texted you for multiple reasons a) I think I need to give you some space b) I dont want to come off as desperate, I dont think im desperate, I just want you and no one else (thats only half true I still want the weather man, but ill save him for another post.....maybe) c) I was being a dumb girl and wanted to see if you would text me first since I feel that im always texting you which in turn makes me turn to a & b to not be stupid......d) I probably need to distance myself well I know I do. I just have a hard time imagining that there are more guys besides the weather man and Z out there? Like obviously there are Berlin you've found 2 I just talk myself into thinking theyre the only 2, but I would make life a lot more simple if I didnt worry about MEN! <i am no longer interested in boys> So im going to be selfish and get frustrated at all of you for not leaving comments, mostly because this is a post I want your comments on.......I dont want your opinion on Z or the weather man, Ive already decided that weather man will text me when his phone is alive and well.....but Z on the other hand, I was going to wait till I got back into town to text him and see if I could go see him.....that was the original plan but since im a nazi <meaning crazy, insane, & ludicrous > Im debating texting him before I get back, just say hi see how he is because I really do care and I really want to see him. Maybe text him before I get back with the possibility of seeing him the day I get back before I go back to work? what do you think? I know im being a tad bit crazy <yes im aware thats an understatement> which is why im reining in the troops for some help here.
What are your thoughts? If you all obey me Ill give you an AMAZING post in the next few days on the crazy which is the boy I did not date <dated?> its a good stroy youll all get a laugh if youve ever played the dating game in this bubble we call Provo <my interpretation of dating hell> Ok youre right ill post it whether you give comments or not, but its late im going insane and cant sleep <how is my mother and brother sleeping with me typing?.....oops!>
To text or not to text that is the question?

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

"I don't know that love changes. People change. Circumstances change."

Watching a classic movie tonight.....The Notebook. How is this so amazing? I could watch it everyday all day (just like Father of the Bride). I know its just a movie, but I feel like no other movie portrays love to, in all its flaws, cracks, glory, and wonder. But this movie (or rather the book, but I never read it) shows it exactly how it is, how it should be, what I want my love to be like. There will be fights and quarrels, I always want to laugh at people who say they dont fight because in my mind its the fights that make your love stronger because you grow from them? I dunno just my inexperienced personal opinion.
Im at a loss for words tonight, and yet I wanted to write. Ryan Gosling is my #1 celebrity crush, and the funny thing about that is I always thought he was extremely attractive until I met Z and im pretty sure they could be twins haha! Not to mention the weather man kind of have some similarities. So I guess thats the ultimate dream guy in my mind! I really missed Z today probably because I watched the movie. Anytime I watch a movie with Ryan Gosling in it I think about him. Im pretty sure he doesnt know or read my blog, but if he does then he now knows his nickname because I believe I've told him that on a few occasions.
Anyway I'm doing alright tonight, dont feel like crying or being pissed. Just in my own mind of empty thoughts. Its never ending in their! Love this movie, for so many reasons not just because its a good movie.
Maybe I'm making these things up in my head and letting myself believe things. I love it though, when I fool myself that someones there who I care about soooo much! It makes everything else in life feel non-existent and unimportant. I love that feeling, I dont have to worry about work, school, church! All of the stupid little things that are weighing down on me.
I'll find him one day......I'm just crossing my fingers I already met him ;)

What for? Look at us, we're already fightin!      Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.       So what?     So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out."

Monday, May 30, 2011

Cause I'm Country Strong

   I think I mentioned in my last post that I watched Country Strong the other day? Im pretty much obssessed with it! Im not a country person, but I think that lifestyle intrigues me to no end. "I've got my gun, an my truck, an my boots" is more or less a good way to explain it. (Lucky me the weather man & Z are  kind of like that, not that I need to keep my mind on them or anything) But ya so I've been downloading the song track songs and know a lot of the words already haha im such a nerd I know but I love it!
So a little bit obssessed with Gwenyth Paltrow If I look anything like her when im 38 I'll be more then happy. Although she really really needs to not part her hair down the middle I hate it and dont like the way it looks. She's not a hippie! But ya she's really good in Country Strong



Leighton Meester is great also. I really really like her hair color.......a lot ;) and the relationship that her and the main guy character have in this movie is adorable!

Speaking of the guy....WOW! I cannot get enough of the scruffy guys. Although looking at pictures of him on google images, he's usually clean shaven which isnt bad, I just like him scruffy better. My dad always says your husband better be clean shaven on your wedding. Which I think he will be, but if he can grow a beard and wears it often I'm almost positive I'll have him growing it back the day after our wedding. Oh ya his name is Garrett Hedlund, I don't think he's been in too many other things but I think he did a fantastic job at acting.



Back to the whole boy/cowboy/scruffy look that I really like. My Dad always says he doesnt think I'm going to marry someone like that. Sometimes I try to picture the type of guy my Dad sees me marrying or if our pictures match? I dont think they do.......but shouldnt they? I mean obviously Im going to marry who I want to marry but I want my dad to like him and get along with him. I like guys that work with their hands, growing up I know I liked more bussiness oriented guys.....and I still do. I just think thats my side, Im the one that enjoys those things, does my husband have to also? To some extent especially if I ever end up having a career in that. Hmph! I want to go live in like Kentucky or Arkansas. I know this may sound really odd, but for some reason I see the country red neck hick life a little less overwhelming. The communities dont seem so stuck up and concerned about fashion, celebrities, styles, etc. Which is exactly how I grew up "ooohhhhh Daddys beamer huh?" is kind of the montage I feel I grew up around. No I want to go on family vacations to a cabin, ride 4 wheelers, go shoot a gun, sit by the fire. Yes I love sitting on the beach, but it all seems so superficial. I guess I can have that in Utah too even though I dont really like Utah lol. Just not Utah County please. Is this odd? I mean I want nice things, and I want to dress nicely still, dress my kids well, but hopefully there wont be so much pressure on my children to look picture perfect all the time? I want simplicity and I feel like if I marry someone with the same background as me, same lifestyle, grew up around LOTS of money, always saw nice cars. That I would be held to that standard for the rest of my life......I would feel the pressure to "keep up with the Jones'". Is that a ridiculous conclusion I've come to? Comments?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

"Wondering Why"

There are a few things on my mind tonight and I apologize for blubbering on, but i need to get it out there....out of my mind! 


First off last night/yesterday was one of the hardest days/nights I've had in a really really long time. Like complete emotional break down.....but I fought it :) Im strong and I can get through anything. I keep forgetting how many obstacles I've already overcome in my life and keep putting them off as not so great or amazing because they dont feel that way. I dont feel that way about myself more or less. But people looking from the outside sure think so, so i want and need to start seeing what other people see in me! 


Today at work we get these little calendar things and there is always a funny, or interesting little quote on the back. Today we got the June calendar and the quote was 


"Aren't the good things that come to those who wait just the leftovers from the people that got there first?"
                                                                                                       -Jeremy Pluozek 


When I first read it I thought it was the greatest quote ever! Like seriously the people who always wait get screwed over!!!!! And i am feeling much like that lately. But the fact of the matter is I have no control (which I hate). But I dont control the out come of situations. I make choices based upon the consequences I think may be waiting.....or walk in blindly and dont give a damn what lies ahead. Ultimately its my life and I choose what leftovers I eat!!!! (I hate leftovers actually especially spaghetti)


The other thing....I was watching Country Strong tonight while at home by myself yet again haha! Towards the Gwenyth Paltrow says to Leighton Meester "Love Everything".......love everything. I have a hard time swallowing that because love hurts so much. Even once you've found the one people say love hurts. So why live your life trying and learning to love everything just to almost always be disappointed? Yet on the other aspect love heals. So you cant live with it and you cant live without it? I dont understand the feeling of love. Its just a word but its always meant so much to me even before I knew what being in love felt like. So do I decide to love or go on with out loving everything? Then i also dont want to become one of those weirdos who does love everything everyone etc. and you feel like you have to match their enthusiasm when youre around them and its exhausting! Sometimes you just want to punch them and say you idiot life is not all that great....go experience life and stop living in your freaking perfect bubble because its not reality. (by the way love the country strong sound track....who knew i liked country so much?)


I love, love and appreciate how much it hurts sometimes. I dont think I would be this strong or have grown this much in my life if I hadnt loved, and lost love. Occasionally I remember Im only 21 and I have been through a hell lot more than most 21 year olds I know, then I remember how im still foolish in other areas. Im not perfect at all, but I do have to admit im a pretty damn strong 21 year old. I just often forget this. 


Maybe none of this is making sense....but I enjoy this blog. I know at the very beginning I mentioned that I was going to try to be positive in everything that Ive written and i am sad to say thats not always the case. I can be a "debbie downer" occasionally. Its not because I want your sympathy that I write it here. It that I give myself the illusion that people are reading haha! And you are and you do care about me. So maybe I write here to remind myself of the people out there that love and care about me? I dont know Anyway I think I need to make a shout out to some people. You probably dont know who im talking to or about. Im almost positive that none of the people I want to talk to read this.....but you never know. 


im sorry, for not staying strong to who I am, who I want to be, who I know I can be. I tried to promise myself I would, but once I tried to put you in the past I messed up. I guess im just glad youre not here suffering from my stupid mistakes im making. Ill always love you. You made life a little easier at times when I thought I was alone and no one was there....you always had a way of making yourself known and I miss that! 


You are right......i wasnt committed enough to you and im sure i dragged you through so many silly games and you were still there, so why would you be there when i want you? I get it and I want to say thank you for saying goodbye at least for the next month anyway. I wish I knew what my life was going to look like in a month and I could tell you see i did love you, maybe not to the extent you wanted me to but i did and you taught me a lot. You taught me that men can still tear down my self estee, that i listen to the harsh comments guys say to me. I take certain things to heart. yet at the same time i learned im a lot stronger at standing up for myself then i use to in some aspects. i think thats why we fought so often. the things i want to stand strong on i think i still do. its the bigger things i dont stand so strong on still haha but thanks you were decently good to me. You showed me a different way of life growing up on a farm is way more fascinating then i ever though. My real life cowboy huh......i miss it the thought of seeing the cattle (cows;D) and you riding a tracker without a shirt haha very different from my home life and how i grew up. i kinda like it your home town was just so little and cute. i was always relaxed in that atmosphere thanks for showing it to me


and you.....you oh how i long for you sometimes. Im sorry for how this weekend ended we both know it shoudve ended differently but thats life right. i know you dont know what youre going to do with your life or what you want and frankly i dont what anything for my own life either i most def. should not have groveled at your feet it just shows me being desperate. im not desperate i just kind of want you again haha well i know you were gonna tell me yesterday what you wanted. but i said that awful awful comment to you which i never should have said that i really wish i could take back i wish i could take back a lot of other things and had our relationship end differently but no use fighting the past. so you didnt call last night which i kind of think is a good thing that probably would have broken me to nothing when i already was extremely low haha and you didnt try to contact me today either which ya kind of bugged me but i just need to call you and tell you i dont want an answer i dont! i mean to an extent i do but you dont know what you want so why force it out of you? youre going to choose something either because i want it or because you feel too stressed....i just need to call let you know not to worry about it. i need to work on myself a little or a lot more still and i think thats how youre feeling too maybe? maybe not but i still want to talk to you so maybe thats why i dont want an answer? i dunno i think that if we stay friends right now and you can be there for me or i can be there for you in a non committal friends only loving type of way it might be better for both of us? I mean i still want to cuddle and tell you everything i want you to be my bestest friend ha! but i also dont want to jump into something before im ready. ive been fooling myself into thinking i know youre what i need. again im sorry for my stupid comment. maybe ill call tomorrow? i hope to leave you a message i kind of dont want you to pick up the phone haha i miss you......i love you.......still


oh and poor you. yes poor you what are you doing? i remember when you said you were hurting for me and because of my choices but really! i dont even know what road you think youre going down or why youre hanging out with those people. i miss you....but you most def. are not you anymore haha! so i just have to sit back and watch you go on with your life against everything you ever stood for and talked about. you were so strong you were my rock and helped me through tough times and now your being stupid about your life. like ok ya maybe i was stupid to but this is like your in a pit and you dont have any intentions of coming out. can we ever be friends again? im drowning without friends but if thats the kind of friend youre going to be i have to walk away. im sorry i cant live the life you want or be around the people you want to be around. damnet you use to be one of those bubbly annoying people whos enthusiasm i had to match and now youre just the living dead. i dont know i hope you wake up! i miss you 


Well thats really all i wanted to talk about and now its late and i cant even remember what else i wanted to talk about ha! man tonight is a good night i feel so empowered lol and this weekend will be good maybe i will do my hair all cute and go out somewhere? i dont know where but i want to shine so bright people know im happy!!!!!!!!!!!


p.s. MOM YOURE AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!



Saturday, May 21, 2011

Hey.....You?

I want to be that girl, her, the one

I want you to be the one, that guy I've been dreaming about

Where are you? I'm waiting.....Why does it hurt so much to be waiting for you?

I dont even know who you are, where you are, what you'll bring.



....................................

But I need you.....are you listening, I feel like im drowning and all I can think about is you

Are you not coming anymore? Do you know I messed things up?

Why do I feel like I've lost you when I've never even met you?

Are you there, reading this? Running out your door to come find me?

Everything will be alright when youre here

Can I just have you for one night? Give me hope!

Im sorry I didnt wait for you, I really wish I had

Maybe I would be having the "perfect" life if I had?

Do you know how much love im waiting to give you?

I dont know why im re-reading chapters of my book

Will you forgive me? Will you understand? Am I worth it?

I love you.....you.....boy....

......Can you run a little faster? You'll find me hidden in the closet

I'm waiting for you.........YOU.....I wish I knew you already

Im always hoping/dreaming/thinking youre the next boy around the corner

I dont understand why im wasting my tears on someone who doesnt exist?



I know you'll come when I least expect it...

But I need you now, Im still hurting.......no one gets it

You will though huh? and even if you dont you'll be here

I'll be in your arms and it wont matter.....

Hey you........Im waiting!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, April 29, 2011

lOvE

Im loving these things right now. Whether or not theyre in style right now I dont really care. I like them I just dont think I could pull them off.......Comments......tips?
Ya this is pretty much in style right now, but I dont know if my other clothes I wear would match with this style if you know what i mean 

dont know if suspenders are in style but ive always liked the idea of women wearing them.....I think im a little too top heavy to wear them?

Pretty sure I could wear this, this summer. Its just a matter of finding the right one, and the right things to wear with it. I seriously need a new wardrobe! 
Great thing about this is IM GETTING THEM! once I get paid the 5th and go get my hair did.....again. And im not gonna be so crazy with all the feathers probably like 1.......slightly possibly maybe 2? who knows but IM STOKED!

Wills & Kate

Heya!
So the Royals are now wed. Yes the thought has crossed my mind to pull an all nighter so I might be able to watch it on TV. But realized how completely ridiculous that!!!! Yes the Royal Wedding is a huge deal.....but im not british! Wish I was but Im so not anywhere close to being european. Im about as American as they come!
Anyway I heard Daniel Radclif or however you spell his name make a comment that over here in the state we're making a bigger deal of the whole thing. Which I believe is true to an extent. Except have you seen how many people over there line the streets to just see them driving the car or carriage? Its crazy. Well i think he was half correct and half jealous that he didnt get invited to the wedding. Poor Daniel Radclift.....maybe if you didnt do nude plays people would think more highly of you? .....Just Saying!

Anyway here are some pictures....I think her dress is to die for! oh and Caye if youre reading this, Ive always thought that Kate Middleton reminds me of you :) And her wedding dress does as well. The lace is absolutely gorgeous Im not a huge fan of the waist line...at least not for myself but she pulls it off amazingly. Im so impressed at how well she handled the crowds. I dont think ill be that calm even on my wedding day when maybe 30 people will be watching. I guess thats what you get from being famous. (if i could choose to be famous from 1just being famous 2 acting/celebrity or 3 being royal/marrying royal im pretty sure I would choose number 3) Oh and I love her neck like how it V's to a sweetheart top. So so classy, elegant, royal, yet chic, modern, and wonderful!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

It Needs To Be Ok

Hey folks! (disclaimer; im mad frustrated and crying so if you dont read this one its all good)
So Ive been having a huge major break down......mostly around the weather man. Im not going to get into the story because he already got mad at me for sharing a tiny bit of the story with SoontobeMrs.Pace.

More or less he wanted to know how I knew the gospel was true. My response "I just feel it"! Which I felt like he was saying my feeling weren't legit. He wanted me to explain more, explain explain explain! I with fail every time "I feel its true". Not a response hes looking for. Finally I some how figured it out, what he was looking for. Like what I do that makes me feel this way i.e. reading the scriptures, praying, etc.

I went in to my room afterwards and cried my eyes out, like pulling my hair, dry heavy, drooling type crying because I felt like such an idiot! I have a comprehension problem, or an auditory processing disorder. This prohibits my brain from being able to work at a "normal" (whatever normal is) pace. Or I cannot articulate my thoughts very quickly if at all. As I have gotten older it has gotten a lot easier, but has also become more apparent. I feel like Im a lot better at it now compared to Jr. High. I use to not even be able to articulate my thoughts into words, and I know im a little better at that. Mostly Ive found a writting style that works for me. Anyway, I just went about crazy!!!!! I wanted him to understand so badly where I was coming from, but he didnt, so i beat myself up about that. Then I figure it out and beat myself up for having a retarted brain that doesnt effing work how or when I NEED it to. I feel like my whole world is crashing down yet again. Tonight is one of those nights that I would drive home in the middle of the night and surprise my parents in the morning.......but I dont have enough money for gas :(......Ive gotta wait till freaking June to see my family. I honestly dont know if I can hold out that long. Please hold on Berlin. It really is going to be ok!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Royal Wedding

So I realize that my last post talked about wedding season and such, but how fun would that be to be getting married on April 29th like Kate and Prince William.....Prince William...ya? But I have to admit that im loving the hype from it all! LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!!!

Love it! anyway maybe ill have more to say about this later :D 

Monday, April 25, 2011

Tis The Season

Ok so first im going to side track really quick I was watching Fantasy Factory today and John Mayer was on who knows if the episode I was watching was a new or old one but it was on nonetheless. So my point.......WHAT IS UP WITH JOHN MAYER SLEEVE TATTOO? 


Ya weird right? 

Well what I'm actually blogging about today, "Tis The Season" for weddings! You all know how much I just absolutely love and adore weddings, but when everyone around me is getting married, when your cousin you grew up with in CA for 11 years is engaged, when your 18 still in high school cousin is engaged, when your best friend from high school is engaged, a friend I was in my sing and dance group with is engaged, A close friends younger sister is engaged, when another best friend just had her first baby, when I shouldve been married and already have a child, Tis The Season I just have to walk quickly past and swallow hard....daily! (and its only just starting I've yet to attend a wedding yet, who know how ill get through those) 
However things dont always work out how we planned do they? 
Its just a tough time for me, I want to be happy for people, and I am happy for people, I am! I just find myself having to constantly reminding myself that I am happy for them. I just feel like im looking for prince charming (except a grungyer, stylist, non cookie cutter type........more like Flynn Rider esc!) who doesnt exist. I know everyone says this I know I know I know, and yes I always think im the exception ;) Although im not completely skeptical, I do believe and almost know that he exists. Im just so freaking sick of waiting around. Please dont hate me for being a hater (hahahaha!) but im 21 almost 22 and yes in this almost ridiculous mormon community that I live in......Im getting old. Blewf! Its honestly starting to get to me. Today not so much, but other days A LOT! Anyway I have a major love/hate relationship with this time of year. I love planning and looking at wedding things but when it comes down to my life in that aspect it kinda blow. In due time, In due time! 

Too fun and way too cute!!!!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Hair Color 2

ok....sweet im getting some really great feed back and am loving it! I found some more pictures that I really like and am posting them so let me know which of these you like the best.
Some of my commentary to your comments, blerg! yes i love changing my hair and i do it way too often, but whatever im a hair stylist and cant control myself. I dont want to put hardly any red in because I just had red hair about a year ago. Maybe red lowlights or tiny hints here and there but not red. Yes im very very aware that I looke best with blonde hair. Lets forget that I look best with blonde and go from there yer?
Also some other quick thoughts on brown vs. blonde browns tend to look older a bit more mature blondes are ditzy and stupid brunettes are sultry blondes are cute (could be skanky) Another odd thing I noticed which you may think im crazy but im sticking to this. Whenever I have blonde hair i feel like guys notice me more (which also means girl glare more often) then when I have brown hair. And since im single again I want guys noticing me, i know im a cute attractive girl and no matter what hair color i have ill look good, but should i worry about guys noticing me? (especially with Elder Oaks talk this afternoon and everything sheesh!) On top of all this ive never been someone to "follow the seasons" per se but if i go dark thats completely opposite of what season is coming up. Also since my hair is pretty bleach fryed my hair waves amazingly which = amazing beach wavy hair that could possibly go away if I do brown because it will fill in some of the disulfide bonds (if you even know what im trying to explain). Also I know Z likes darker hair, so did bird face and I feel like the guys I go after tend to like darker hair? Plus its always shallows jerks that seem to go after blondes! kk i need to go to bed, here are the pictures :D
I like this one because I feel like the hair cut is almost identical to the one i have know so its easy to picture my hair brown with this picture (oh cute baby bump!)

Love this too, not as dark as the one above but I think its so chic and stunning.....I really dont want to have matte brown hair at all! 

Here hair is pretty much to die for! 

love love how ashy beige this looks, yes im sure how the picture is photoshopped adds to it, but i really like it! ive had this picture for years! 
So what do you think again....sorry for being such a girl HA! but this is a process I want opinions on, just please dont get offended if i end up choosing what I want like chopping it all off and going black ;) this is something i will share the whole process with you! Maybe ill even document it with yall when I finally get my hair did! Loves

p.s. thanks morgan for both brown hair pictures theyre making it into my hair file on the comp...and on my blog, i really appreciated it!

Friday, April 1, 2011

Hair Color?

Hey friends.....so I went to the color festival this past saturday, and a week later i still have pink in my hair! Its bad! Now that I have a semi professional job i shouldnt have pink hair, but i went to 3 business meetings this week with pink hair i felt extremely unprofessional blerg! But oh well, but my boss has mentioned TWICE that I should dye it.......but if I bleach over it itll kill it. I've known that the next thing I want to do is go dark brown like I had in high school. What a better time then now right? except at the same time I know have long hair and have never had practically platinum long blonde hair. But now that I've been entertaining the though of dark hair I think I really want to do it. But it took me almost a year to get this blonde, and my poor cousin who always colors my hair always always has this massive project when it comes to my hair. I tend to do drastic changed to my hair when things in my life are changes....for instance weather boy is moving back to Idaho in the next few weeks, and unfortunately I care about him more than I ever expected which is so freaking stupid. Another reason to change my hair color all guys i "date" almost always tend to like brunettes better, so I could just fool them right? ;) and also I think im a little more of a brunette personality then a blonde? Or rather i'd like to think im more of a brunetter personality rather than a bimboy blonde? I dont know.....what are your opinions (damn i wish more ppl read this so i could get more opinions) Ill upload pictures of what blonde I like and which brown I like/am thinking about!
Loves!

Ok I mostly uploaded this because I loved her hair at the oscars it was absolutely perfect. This was by far the best hair style/color I've ever seen on her!

Ok ok i know im a tad bit crazy for liking this blonde, but theres no gold :D 

Also not many gold tones in her hair, I love ashy beige blonde and I feel like mine still has a little too many golden tones to it 

This I like because the top is darker, I use to hate this technique.....Sarah Jessica Parker & Jennifer Anniston both tend to do this to their hair often, its actually a style that has most definitely grown on me.I think this might be perfect for my hair so its not too too dark and brings out the right features & highlights, etc. 

And I just adore her hair dark, of course she has absolutely gorgeous blonde hair too though. Hmph!!!! what to do, what to do! Please keep in mind that I am very fair skinned to going dark is and has always been very tricky. The inbetween browns tend to wash me out, which is why I have picked such dark shades. Ive been dark brown before so please dont be scared for me, im pretty positive I know what Im doing. And for some reason I feel like brown might not be as much of an up keep because I might not have to have it foiled everytime I get my hair done. Only like every other time or go 2 times without once with etc. COMMENTS COMMENTS COMMENTS ARE ENCOURAGED!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Potatoe Chips

Hola! sorry its been so long life has been crazy!
1-was homeless for 2 months (pretty much literally)
2-ive been weeding out more "bad" friends
3-got a really amazing job like fantastic its 35hrs a week 9-5 mon-fri
4- signed a contract to a new condo (spent my whole 1st pay check)
thats just the really incredibly readers digest version of my life! what i wanted to post about was this meeting im at for work. Its for the UVHBA so im the only one under 25 and the only girl! We are watching the NCAA and recruiting builder to sign up for the HBA not that this mean anything to you reading this! So they provide lunches at these things right! Today its hamburgers and such. Remember when you were a little kid and you always wanted to get the last bag of potatoe chip Lays? And now you kind of look back and think about how ridiculous it was that you wanted the Lays so badly? Well believe it or not.....grown middle aged men are still the same. At this luncheon when i went to go get my lunch maybe 15 min after they set lunch out there was 1 bag of lays left. And yes I took it!!!!! But how funny that even as adults we resort to our childish ways without even realizing it. Kind of funny huh? Anyway just thought I would share and hope you enjoy, ill be back soon :D

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Little Hometown Girl

So the weather man guessed his nickname....but i dont think that he knows how to get to my blog, hmph unless its on his little page thing???? I dont know!!!! Anyway met his parents this weekend theyre really nice, his family life/situation really reminds me of me and my family. Sometimes how he interacts with them scares me, but only because i think im starting to notice he's a lot more like me than i thought. Which by no means is that a bad thing!
Not that we've been doing much while were here, but im enjoying myself! its comfortable and who doesnt like that feeling? Im pretty sure we're going back tomorrow we were going to leave on saturday to go back and dance with his roommate, but i didnt really want to. I like being here.......and having a bed to sleep in ;)
So he lives in a really small town.....i think my hometown is smaller but i live right next to bigger towns so its hardly noticeable. But what im noticing is its not much different from my home. yes lots of people are "hicks" or "red necks" and wear jeans to church, but who cares. Its an older town which quite frankly sort of scared me in my younger years. But driving around with him makes me feel comfortable, yet shallow.....extremely shallow. "oh bobby jackson use to live around the corner from me" "so did a lot of the kings basketball players" "see that white house? eddie murphy use to live there" Jeez get a life berlin! I know im all scatter brained again.....but what im getting at is while being here ive 1 fallen more for the weather man,  2 been humbled a but 3 grateful for where im from and 4 had a good carefree weekend! Ive needed that life is still way too stressed beyond anything!!!!!

Monday, January 24, 2011

No Longer Undercover

So I've been watching the Bachelor, love love love this show. Mostly because i get to live vicariously through it HA! So this new Bachelor Brad something or other has been on it before and didnt pick either one of the girls........I dont really care actually just thought I'd give you some background.
So I think there are 13 girls left.....um no 11 i think they eliminated 2 tonight? not quit sure. Psh not what im trying to get at (scatter brained today......the boy is suppose to pick me up but no gas, but my car is there ha! frustrating)
I feel like the Bachelor exposes women. Like there are so many crying girls on that show, and a lot of girls dont cry i realize that. It shows all their insecurities, weaknesses, and bitchyness (excuse the language). I dont know i mean i love the show and obviously thousands if not millions of other people also watch the show. But really abc you cant let every guy in the nation know how crazy, violent, and insecure women of america are these days. Ugh even though im not on it i feel so...so naked and over exposed!
And ya, boys are stupid right now......wont come pick me up? i thought we were over that....get it, no money...me neither, but if my car stays there then i get booted or a ticket or worse towed.....blerg! I think ive just been in a weird mood the last few days and itll get over it once i see the weather boy? that usually happens.
p.s. ive decided to give nicknames to boys in my life....currently there is 1 weather boy(the main boy in my life) 2 Z(still loving wish i could see him) 3 apx (usually out of town so not too much happening) boy 4 claw (christmas fling but not? havent talked to him since but major crushing) hahahahahahaha "im so funny sometimes" hm and weather boy is the boy like if i kiss someone else its cheating! a friend said he was what im using to get over a certain someone....which could be true i dont think so, but if that is the case, then oh well at least ill get over him right? (secretly i dont want to get over him...ssshhh!!!)