Friday, June 10, 2011

Zzzzzzzzzz's on my mind!

Hey all so I'm on vacation here in southern california and its fun.......however, most of my thoughts consist of 1) work 2) my future and 3) Z always Z huh?

I wanted/needed to go on a vacation to get my head cleared and de-stress.........but i feel that this vacation has done everything but that! I love my mom with all my heart I do, I couldnt have asked for a different mother, what I could ask for is one with a better sense of direction, and the same common sense as myself. Im finding myself more stressed out when driving in the car with her especially with a GPS then I find myself at work. So much for a vacation away from stress! Ultimately im not sure what I need to destress, probably a life other then work. All I ever do after work is sit around watch TV or.....sit around? Im not really sure I just know that I do nothing and it drives me INSANE, but I think thats how I unwind, yet im still constantly feeling stressed and feel like theres something weighing down on me. <maybe I need to start going to church more regularly> Anyway Ill try to enjoy the next 4 days I have off.....

My future.......I always think about my future, I think I've come to the conclusion that thats always going to be there. Although what will happen once i get to that future ive always dreamnt about?Do I start dreaming about becoming old and wrinkly??? EW no thanks!!!!! I need to learn how to live in the now, do what I want to do for me, when I want, on my terms. Its worth a shot!

and the notorious Z......I need to stop blog stalking you, damage why did you even tell me you have a blog? Your really good at writing I admire you for that, but if you could be more um direct or specific with your posts that would be awesome :) Also its been a while since I've texted you for multiple reasons a) I think I need to give you some space b) I dont want to come off as desperate, I dont think im desperate, I just want you and no one else (thats only half true I still want the weather man, but ill save him for another post.....maybe) c) I was being a dumb girl and wanted to see if you would text me first since I feel that im always texting you which in turn makes me turn to a & b to not be stupid......d) I probably need to distance myself well I know I do. I just have a hard time imagining that there are more guys besides the weather man and Z out there? Like obviously there are Berlin you've found 2 I just talk myself into thinking theyre the only 2, but I would make life a lot more simple if I didnt worry about MEN! <i am no longer interested in boys> So im going to be selfish and get frustrated at all of you for not leaving comments, mostly because this is a post I want your comments on.......I dont want your opinion on Z or the weather man, Ive already decided that weather man will text me when his phone is alive and well.....but Z on the other hand, I was going to wait till I got back into town to text him and see if I could go see him.....that was the original plan but since im a nazi <meaning crazy, insane, & ludicrous > Im debating texting him before I get back, just say hi see how he is because I really do care and I really want to see him. Maybe text him before I get back with the possibility of seeing him the day I get back before I go back to work? what do you think? I know im being a tad bit crazy <yes im aware thats an understatement> which is why im reining in the troops for some help here.
What are your thoughts? If you all obey me Ill give you an AMAZING post in the next few days on the crazy which is the boy I did not date <dated?> its a good stroy youll all get a laugh if youve ever played the dating game in this bubble we call Provo <my interpretation of dating hell> Ok youre right ill post it whether you give comments or not, but its late im going insane and cant sleep <how is my mother and brother sleeping with me typing?.....oops!>
To text or not to text that is the question?

1 comment:

  1. here is my opinion. think about what you want. do you want to date z, do you really really want to date him, or is it just that you are still in love with him? two diff things but hard to see the line. so if you want to date him, text him and maybe tell him when you hang out? and if you are just still in love with him but want nothing, you'll have to come up with some way to get over him