Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Breasts Are A Scandal

I know I have always had strong opinions, but now that I am a wife, mother, etc. I have an entire new genre of things to have strong opinions about.
I have read so many other peoples opinions all other the internet. I have not come across a single persons opinion that is the same as mine.Very often I feel as if I am sitting on this middle ground area that no one ever goes to. At least they dont voice it, their either one way or the inbetween. Maybe im looking in all the wrong places (I havent been on the hunt for it though). So I decided I am going to share my opinion. Before I do that I want to preface it. What I am sharing is my opinion, and only my opinion. They may (or rather will) come off very strong, however I am aware that everyone else has opinions and they are completely entitled to them. Whether they are the same or not I respect that.
Breastfeeding.....for those of you who dont know me, or who dont know, I am not breastfeeding. Nor did I attempt to breastfeed. When I found out I was pregnant I made the conscious decision not to breastfeed. Along with that decision I did do my research, I found information about how beneficial breastfeeding was, along with how formula fed babies are just as well off. My reasons for choosing not to breastfeed.
1) as natural as it is, I feel that FOR ME it would be unnatural. The thought of a baby sucking on my nipple makes me squirm a little. Bottom line I would not feel comfortable breastfeeding no matter how "natural" it is.
2) I am willing to admit that I am slightly selfish. TMI, but I am a 34 DD not exactly small boobs. So I did not want them to grow, then shrink, and therefore sag down to my knees. I do not want fake boobs...not my thing.
I dont have this laundry list of reason why I choose not to breastfed my reason are short, simple, and straight forward. None of my reasons were influenced by my husband either (i know women who do not breastfed because their husbands dont want them to) initially my husband suggested that i  breastfeed, but also respected my choice not to.
I respect women who choose to breastfeed for whatever reason. One of my really good friends breastfeeds her daughter and it doesnt bother me. With that being said there are a few main reasons why breastfeeding or rather the women who breastfeed bother me. They rant and rave about how our culture "looks down" upon breastfeeding in public. Some arguments are 1) that people "say" it is sexually pleasing to men to see that in public. Im sorry but I am not concerned that my husband (or any other man for that matter) is going to be ogling over a women breastfeeding her child in public, give men a little credit theyre adults and understand what breastfeeding is. (If he is, there is something not right there). 2) Women who say they are "sustaining a childs life" how arrogant and rude. I feed my child formula and I am still sustaining, raising my daughter, and helping her grow by feeding her formula.
3) I have never understood why women who breastfeed dont understand that they may be making someone else feel uncomfortable by "popping" their boob our in public (whether you are covered or not, I still know what you are doing). Again I know it is culturally acceptable in other areas of the world, but is not as acceptable here. So why put others (men, women, children, mothers, fathers, preachers, truck drivers, coffee shop owners, etc.) in an uncomfortable position. Just because it is your opinion that you should be able to breastfeed in public does not mean everyone around you will feel comfortable with you doing that. We respect you for choosing to breastfeed why cant you respect us when we tell you it makes us uncomfortable?
I think being able to breastfed your child is a wonderful and miraculous thing. I also dont think it is for everyone. No when I am over at my friends house and she breastfeeds her daughter without a cover, she is still respectful of me. Even if there is a "nip slip" I am not uncomfortable because I know her (and may or may not have motor boated her once or twice), but again I know her.
I was under the assumptions that breastfeeding was an intimate relationship with your child. So save that for people who are close to you (not your local grocer, coffee shop owner, or dog walker).

Again as strong as my opinions are and they may come off the wrong way i still respect anyone who chooses to breastfeed. Its just not for me and those who do "shove it in my face" I dont appreciate it. Those of you who dont "shove it in my face" I appreciate that.
That is all.

btw I usually dont proof read, sorry!

Monday, March 4, 2013

"With what price we pay for the glory of motherhood" -Isadora Duncan

After writing about my dilehma with being a SAHM (stay at home mom) it seems to be the only thing that is continually on my mind. Still so many unanswered questions. My cousin made a comment and then wrote a whole blog post which I really enjoyed her thoughts, opinions, and advice she gave about being a SAHM. You can read it here, I thought it was great and really appreciated the time and effort she took into writing it, as well as the insightful comments left. 
If you didn't have time to go read her post (you're doing yourself an injustice) I wanted to touch on a few points she made that stood out to me. 

1- Be careful not to confuse what you do, with who you are. 

Profound right? This definitely caught me off guard because in my mind it was exactly the opposite, what I do IS who I am. Why should it be though? Just because I am at home cleaning (or not cleaning) doesn't mean thats all I am, thats all I'm good at or worth. I have plenty other talents and being a SAHM should just be one thing that I get to add to that list. 
I think one of the misfortunes of only being 23, and already being a wife, homemaker, mother, SAHM is do I truly know "who I am". Marriage and having children DOES change a lot of things. What I expect from life, goals, principles, what I want for the future, and how and when I will achieve my goals. This moment is a great time to redefine my life to be what I always hoped and expected it to be. I just need to be careful and not confuse what I do with who I am. 

2 - Decide and Defend who you are. 

Just because so many life changing events have happened in the last year (building a house, marriage, baby) doesn't mean that I'm not the same person I was before. Here is my struggle with this and I would love input on it. I am finding it extremely difficult to find time for myself. My showers are 3/4 the time what they use to be. I dont care to put makeup or clothes on for that matter because no one else is going to see me (Now I understand why some moms are so frumpy.....shit I'm slipping into it). Even at 7 weeks my Lil' Monkey needs so much attention. Its hard to remember what I use to enjoy doing in my spare time because for 41 weeks I was exhausted and would come home after working 8 hours and just want to "relax" (can you even legitimately relax when you're pregnant? you're building a human being for crying out loud). Even when D lets me go out and not take the Lil' Monkey I'm constantly thinking of them and not always enjoying my "me time".  Bottom line I need to DECIDE who I am or rather really ponder and take it into consideration because I know, I know who I really am.....if that makes sense? I think in order to do that I need to find a way to make more time for myself. Suggestions? 

4 - Don't view yourself as inferior or subservient to your husband just because he's financially supporting the family. This one is really important. You've both chosen for you to stay home in order to save the family money. You're taking care of some things and he's taking care of others. He should NOT be ordering you around and you shouldn't be letting him just because he makes the money. Your roles are different. It's not like you're not doing work; you're just doing different work. Don't undervalue your contribution. And don't view yourself as subservient for any other reason either. Whatever you may have learned in Young Women or anywhere else, you are his equal and don't ever believe otherwise. Ever.

I choose to post everything she mentioned, because I think I am having the hardest time with this one. 
My I contributing enough? How do I know? Because I am at home all day (supposedly doing the housework) does that mean he gets a "free pass" when he gets home from work? If he does then why dont I? Or when do I? I know certain things are expected of me, do I do them just because they're expected? I'd like to get things done because I want them done.

9 - Enjoy it. Being a housewife and a stay at home mom is hard and its not always fun. But there are great moments and I think it helps to revel in those. 

My cousin is spot on with this one. Even D sarcastically said to me the other day " you hate being a mom dont you?" I of course replied "yes ;)". I absolutely love waking up every morning just to see my Lil' Monkey staring at me with her big eyes and when I say "Good Morning" she smile with her entire mouth wide open! Those moments are ones I know I will remember and cherish forever, and thats just the beginning of those memories. One day I will look back and appreciate this time I get, I just need to remember that. 

As slightly disgruntle I am towards my young women experience, it ironically didn't prepare me enough for what being a stay at home mom entails. Nothing could have prepared me for this. I have fallen into this role that requires me to care, and love for my child easily, but the role of a housewife/homemaker whatever you want to call it hasn't "fit the glove" as well as I had hoped. I am aware that it has been 7 ENTIRE WEEKS already, but does that mean I should know how to "hold the fort down" already? I need to enjoy it, remember that D and I are equals and the same is expected from both of us, find time for myself, defend that, and remember just because I'm at home doesn't mean I'm not important. 

I feel like I'm drowning trying to "fit in" to this role, but "mothers are super heroes" right? So all I need is time. 

Friday, February 22, 2013

1950's Housewife

I watched Mona Lisa Smile last night (its on netflix instant play right now), I saw it way back when it came out, but haven't seen it since. As I sat there watching it I couldn't help but cringe at the "1950's housewife" mentality. It was almost sickening to me. There are these extremely educated woman going to college, but for what? To go home and be little housewives, slave over the stove to have dinner ready by 5, clean the same thing over and over again. It completely boggles my mind.

I live in 2013 so that mentality shouldn't affect me right? But I was raised and am LDS, I feel that 1950's housewife mentality is still alive and taught in "our" culture. I sat in young women's for 6 years being "taught" or rather told what to dream about for my future. For example we made keepsake containers to open when we got engaged, it had what  we wanted our dress to look like, our colors, flowers, a letter to our future husband, what we wanted in a husband, along with baby names. We had mutual activities about cooking, cleaning, and organization. So I grew up learning that being a stay at home mom and housewife was a prestigious role. I was told that is what I would want to do when I grew up. I cant remember one lesson or activity about going to college, or making a keepsake box about what kind of career I wanted to have. I feel like I was taught that having a career wasn't all that great.

It got me thinking and realizing though, I know have a child (who i love and adore) and cant make going to to work seem financially logical (childcare is a joke how much people charge). So I am a "stay at home mom" and "housewife", please dont take this the wrong way if you are either of those, but I absolutely hate that title. Not only do I hate the title I hate the idea of it. I all of a sudden feel like certain things are expected from me because I am at home all day. My poor husband...I find myself not cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, or anything else in spite of those expectations. Yet I know he expects them out of me now. The worst part about that is I do enjoy attempting to cook, organizing, and having a clean house, I just do not want to admit to myself this is what its come to. "Berlin you are a little housewife" aka a slave to being at someones beck and call, not exactly what I expected from myself.

With all of my ranting and raving, I still have the upmost respect for women who choose to be stay at home moms. I think at this time in my life it wasn't my first choice and thats why I am slightly bitter about it. I am glad I get to spend my time with my lil' monkey, I just wish I had more human interaction, more real conversations, knew what was happening in the world haha! I am also still trying to figure out how to manage my time, get sleep, and be motivated to do all of those housewife/homemaker type things because I want to, not because its expected of me. I think bottom line I'm a stubborn ass and dont like being told what to do and am feeling forced into this role. 
For all those stay at home moms out there, how do you stay sane? How do you make time for yourself? What is your outlet?  

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

"Back to Basics" Blogging Basics

It's been well over a year since I've blogged and A LOT has happened since then, so I decided to start writing again. 
Great news I have officially left the dating game! I met Dave at The Westerner (fun fact: his name in my phone is Dave Westerner....I don't think I'll ever change that either) he was out for his birthday and I was out for a friends birthday. Of course we stopped him because he was so tall and we were basically amazed! Long story short, I was suppose to leave for Virginia on Monday to sell pest control with a friend, needless to say that didn't end up happening. We got married in September and I feel extremely lucky and blessed to find someone as great as he is. I feel like I just walked into it, which isn't something I ever found with any other guy. Lucky for all of you, you don't have to listen to me rant and rave about my dating life. So check one found the guy of my dreams and snatched him before anyone else could. 
As if I wasn't lucky enough, we moved into a brand new town home in August. I find myself sitting in my house at least once a week thinking its surreal that I live in this home. Gorgeous tile throughout (that my wonderful husband put in), granite countertops, and wonderful. I just always assumed I was going to live in a small one or two bedroom apartment for years. 
To add the cherry on top we just welcomed the cutest little monkey into the world about 3 weeks ago. Piper Elizabeth Bauer (We had the name picked out before we even knew she was a girl I can't believe how easy it was to agree on a name) born Jan 15th 2013 8lbs 12oz and an incredible 22 inches long. We've already decided she's going to HAVE to play volleyball and kick ass at it. Motherhood is something completely different. I think i've fell into it pretty easily, which is not what I expected at all. Figuring out how to get things done, yet sleep when baby is sleeping is a little tricky but in due time I'm sure I'll get the hang of it.
Since I'm slightly lame/lazy Im not going to post pictures today, however my friend Nicole came over the other day and took some adorable pictures of Piper so check out her blog and the cute pictures.  
Peace Out!!!!