Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Breasts Are A Scandal

I know I have always had strong opinions, but now that I am a wife, mother, etc. I have an entire new genre of things to have strong opinions about.
I have read so many other peoples opinions all other the internet. I have not come across a single persons opinion that is the same as mine.Very often I feel as if I am sitting on this middle ground area that no one ever goes to. At least they dont voice it, their either one way or the inbetween. Maybe im looking in all the wrong places (I havent been on the hunt for it though). So I decided I am going to share my opinion. Before I do that I want to preface it. What I am sharing is my opinion, and only my opinion. They may (or rather will) come off very strong, however I am aware that everyone else has opinions and they are completely entitled to them. Whether they are the same or not I respect that.
Breastfeeding.....for those of you who dont know me, or who dont know, I am not breastfeeding. Nor did I attempt to breastfeed. When I found out I was pregnant I made the conscious decision not to breastfeed. Along with that decision I did do my research, I found information about how beneficial breastfeeding was, along with how formula fed babies are just as well off. My reasons for choosing not to breastfeed.
1) as natural as it is, I feel that FOR ME it would be unnatural. The thought of a baby sucking on my nipple makes me squirm a little. Bottom line I would not feel comfortable breastfeeding no matter how "natural" it is.
2) I am willing to admit that I am slightly selfish. TMI, but I am a 34 DD not exactly small boobs. So I did not want them to grow, then shrink, and therefore sag down to my knees. I do not want fake boobs...not my thing.
I dont have this laundry list of reason why I choose not to breastfed my reason are short, simple, and straight forward. None of my reasons were influenced by my husband either (i know women who do not breastfed because their husbands dont want them to) initially my husband suggested that i  breastfeed, but also respected my choice not to.
I respect women who choose to breastfeed for whatever reason. One of my really good friends breastfeeds her daughter and it doesnt bother me. With that being said there are a few main reasons why breastfeeding or rather the women who breastfeed bother me. They rant and rave about how our culture "looks down" upon breastfeeding in public. Some arguments are 1) that people "say" it is sexually pleasing to men to see that in public. Im sorry but I am not concerned that my husband (or any other man for that matter) is going to be ogling over a women breastfeeding her child in public, give men a little credit theyre adults and understand what breastfeeding is. (If he is, there is something not right there). 2) Women who say they are "sustaining a childs life" how arrogant and rude. I feed my child formula and I am still sustaining, raising my daughter, and helping her grow by feeding her formula.
3) I have never understood why women who breastfeed dont understand that they may be making someone else feel uncomfortable by "popping" their boob our in public (whether you are covered or not, I still know what you are doing). Again I know it is culturally acceptable in other areas of the world, but is not as acceptable here. So why put others (men, women, children, mothers, fathers, preachers, truck drivers, coffee shop owners, etc.) in an uncomfortable position. Just because it is your opinion that you should be able to breastfeed in public does not mean everyone around you will feel comfortable with you doing that. We respect you for choosing to breastfeed why cant you respect us when we tell you it makes us uncomfortable?
I think being able to breastfed your child is a wonderful and miraculous thing. I also dont think it is for everyone. No when I am over at my friends house and she breastfeeds her daughter without a cover, she is still respectful of me. Even if there is a "nip slip" I am not uncomfortable because I know her (and may or may not have motor boated her once or twice), but again I know her.
I was under the assumptions that breastfeeding was an intimate relationship with your child. So save that for people who are close to you (not your local grocer, coffee shop owner, or dog walker).

Again as strong as my opinions are and they may come off the wrong way i still respect anyone who chooses to breastfeed. Its just not for me and those who do "shove it in my face" I dont appreciate it. Those of you who dont "shove it in my face" I appreciate that.
That is all.

btw I usually dont proof read, sorry!

Monday, March 4, 2013

"With what price we pay for the glory of motherhood" -Isadora Duncan

After writing about my dilehma with being a SAHM (stay at home mom) it seems to be the only thing that is continually on my mind. Still so many unanswered questions. My cousin made a comment and then wrote a whole blog post which I really enjoyed her thoughts, opinions, and advice she gave about being a SAHM. You can read it here, I thought it was great and really appreciated the time and effort she took into writing it, as well as the insightful comments left. 
If you didn't have time to go read her post (you're doing yourself an injustice) I wanted to touch on a few points she made that stood out to me. 

1- Be careful not to confuse what you do, with who you are. 

Profound right? This definitely caught me off guard because in my mind it was exactly the opposite, what I do IS who I am. Why should it be though? Just because I am at home cleaning (or not cleaning) doesn't mean thats all I am, thats all I'm good at or worth. I have plenty other talents and being a SAHM should just be one thing that I get to add to that list. 
I think one of the misfortunes of only being 23, and already being a wife, homemaker, mother, SAHM is do I truly know "who I am". Marriage and having children DOES change a lot of things. What I expect from life, goals, principles, what I want for the future, and how and when I will achieve my goals. This moment is a great time to redefine my life to be what I always hoped and expected it to be. I just need to be careful and not confuse what I do with who I am. 

2 - Decide and Defend who you are. 

Just because so many life changing events have happened in the last year (building a house, marriage, baby) doesn't mean that I'm not the same person I was before. Here is my struggle with this and I would love input on it. I am finding it extremely difficult to find time for myself. My showers are 3/4 the time what they use to be. I dont care to put makeup or clothes on for that matter because no one else is going to see me (Now I understand why some moms are so frumpy.....shit I'm slipping into it). Even at 7 weeks my Lil' Monkey needs so much attention. Its hard to remember what I use to enjoy doing in my spare time because for 41 weeks I was exhausted and would come home after working 8 hours and just want to "relax" (can you even legitimately relax when you're pregnant? you're building a human being for crying out loud). Even when D lets me go out and not take the Lil' Monkey I'm constantly thinking of them and not always enjoying my "me time".  Bottom line I need to DECIDE who I am or rather really ponder and take it into consideration because I know, I know who I really am.....if that makes sense? I think in order to do that I need to find a way to make more time for myself. Suggestions? 

4 - Don't view yourself as inferior or subservient to your husband just because he's financially supporting the family. This one is really important. You've both chosen for you to stay home in order to save the family money. You're taking care of some things and he's taking care of others. He should NOT be ordering you around and you shouldn't be letting him just because he makes the money. Your roles are different. It's not like you're not doing work; you're just doing different work. Don't undervalue your contribution. And don't view yourself as subservient for any other reason either. Whatever you may have learned in Young Women or anywhere else, you are his equal and don't ever believe otherwise. Ever.

I choose to post everything she mentioned, because I think I am having the hardest time with this one. 
My I contributing enough? How do I know? Because I am at home all day (supposedly doing the housework) does that mean he gets a "free pass" when he gets home from work? If he does then why dont I? Or when do I? I know certain things are expected of me, do I do them just because they're expected? I'd like to get things done because I want them done.

9 - Enjoy it. Being a housewife and a stay at home mom is hard and its not always fun. But there are great moments and I think it helps to revel in those. 

My cousin is spot on with this one. Even D sarcastically said to me the other day " you hate being a mom dont you?" I of course replied "yes ;)". I absolutely love waking up every morning just to see my Lil' Monkey staring at me with her big eyes and when I say "Good Morning" she smile with her entire mouth wide open! Those moments are ones I know I will remember and cherish forever, and thats just the beginning of those memories. One day I will look back and appreciate this time I get, I just need to remember that. 

As slightly disgruntle I am towards my young women experience, it ironically didn't prepare me enough for what being a stay at home mom entails. Nothing could have prepared me for this. I have fallen into this role that requires me to care, and love for my child easily, but the role of a housewife/homemaker whatever you want to call it hasn't "fit the glove" as well as I had hoped. I am aware that it has been 7 ENTIRE WEEKS already, but does that mean I should know how to "hold the fort down" already? I need to enjoy it, remember that D and I are equals and the same is expected from both of us, find time for myself, defend that, and remember just because I'm at home doesn't mean I'm not important. 

I feel like I'm drowning trying to "fit in" to this role, but "mothers are super heroes" right? So all I need is time.