Monday, March 4, 2013

"With what price we pay for the glory of motherhood" -Isadora Duncan

After writing about my dilehma with being a SAHM (stay at home mom) it seems to be the only thing that is continually on my mind. Still so many unanswered questions. My cousin made a comment and then wrote a whole blog post which I really enjoyed her thoughts, opinions, and advice she gave about being a SAHM. You can read it here, I thought it was great and really appreciated the time and effort she took into writing it, as well as the insightful comments left. 
If you didn't have time to go read her post (you're doing yourself an injustice) I wanted to touch on a few points she made that stood out to me. 

1- Be careful not to confuse what you do, with who you are. 

Profound right? This definitely caught me off guard because in my mind it was exactly the opposite, what I do IS who I am. Why should it be though? Just because I am at home cleaning (or not cleaning) doesn't mean thats all I am, thats all I'm good at or worth. I have plenty other talents and being a SAHM should just be one thing that I get to add to that list. 
I think one of the misfortunes of only being 23, and already being a wife, homemaker, mother, SAHM is do I truly know "who I am". Marriage and having children DOES change a lot of things. What I expect from life, goals, principles, what I want for the future, and how and when I will achieve my goals. This moment is a great time to redefine my life to be what I always hoped and expected it to be. I just need to be careful and not confuse what I do with who I am. 

2 - Decide and Defend who you are. 

Just because so many life changing events have happened in the last year (building a house, marriage, baby) doesn't mean that I'm not the same person I was before. Here is my struggle with this and I would love input on it. I am finding it extremely difficult to find time for myself. My showers are 3/4 the time what they use to be. I dont care to put makeup or clothes on for that matter because no one else is going to see me (Now I understand why some moms are so frumpy.....shit I'm slipping into it). Even at 7 weeks my Lil' Monkey needs so much attention. Its hard to remember what I use to enjoy doing in my spare time because for 41 weeks I was exhausted and would come home after working 8 hours and just want to "relax" (can you even legitimately relax when you're pregnant? you're building a human being for crying out loud). Even when D lets me go out and not take the Lil' Monkey I'm constantly thinking of them and not always enjoying my "me time".  Bottom line I need to DECIDE who I am or rather really ponder and take it into consideration because I know, I know who I really am.....if that makes sense? I think in order to do that I need to find a way to make more time for myself. Suggestions? 

4 - Don't view yourself as inferior or subservient to your husband just because he's financially supporting the family. This one is really important. You've both chosen for you to stay home in order to save the family money. You're taking care of some things and he's taking care of others. He should NOT be ordering you around and you shouldn't be letting him just because he makes the money. Your roles are different. It's not like you're not doing work; you're just doing different work. Don't undervalue your contribution. And don't view yourself as subservient for any other reason either. Whatever you may have learned in Young Women or anywhere else, you are his equal and don't ever believe otherwise. Ever.

I choose to post everything she mentioned, because I think I am having the hardest time with this one. 
My I contributing enough? How do I know? Because I am at home all day (supposedly doing the housework) does that mean he gets a "free pass" when he gets home from work? If he does then why dont I? Or when do I? I know certain things are expected of me, do I do them just because they're expected? I'd like to get things done because I want them done.

9 - Enjoy it. Being a housewife and a stay at home mom is hard and its not always fun. But there are great moments and I think it helps to revel in those. 

My cousin is spot on with this one. Even D sarcastically said to me the other day " you hate being a mom dont you?" I of course replied "yes ;)". I absolutely love waking up every morning just to see my Lil' Monkey staring at me with her big eyes and when I say "Good Morning" she smile with her entire mouth wide open! Those moments are ones I know I will remember and cherish forever, and thats just the beginning of those memories. One day I will look back and appreciate this time I get, I just need to remember that. 

As slightly disgruntle I am towards my young women experience, it ironically didn't prepare me enough for what being a stay at home mom entails. Nothing could have prepared me for this. I have fallen into this role that requires me to care, and love for my child easily, but the role of a housewife/homemaker whatever you want to call it hasn't "fit the glove" as well as I had hoped. I am aware that it has been 7 ENTIRE WEEKS already, but does that mean I should know how to "hold the fort down" already? I need to enjoy it, remember that D and I are equals and the same is expected from both of us, find time for myself, defend that, and remember just because I'm at home doesn't mean I'm not important. 

I feel like I'm drowning trying to "fit in" to this role, but "mothers are super heroes" right? So all I need is time. 

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